Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Primal (2010)

Written by Axemaster April 20th 2011
Rating 6 out of 10

Director   -   Josh Reed 

Zoe Tuckwell-Smith   -   Anja
Krew Boylan              -    Mel
Lindsay Farris             -    Chad
Rebekah Foord           -    Kris
Damien Freeleagus     -    Warren
Will Traval                 -     Dace 

  Hey there all you Creature Feature Freaks ! Axemaster here with a strange tale from the Land Down Under !! (poot aahhnutha Shreemp on the Baahbie !! ) Director josh Reed brings us this story of strange happenings in the Outback of Austrailia . Here it is in a nut shell ..........
Every Dentists nightmare !

  Anja and four friends tag along with Dace , an Anthropology student , to go and see some ancient stone paintings in the outback (yawn) . The paintings haven't been seen in hundreds of years and are a real big find (double yawn ) ! Are you getting the gist here !!?? We have a group of young people headed into the woods , to a remote part of the country , all on their own and cut off from anywhere !! Hhmmmm !
Sounds like .... sounds kinda , .... have I seen this somewhere before?? !??
Does my breath smell like onions !?
Sure I have !! And so have you faithful fright freaks !! But thats okay , its still pretty good . Anyway . Anja and the gang have to go through a strange tunnel like cave to get to the valley on the other side . Thats where the ancient stone paintings (yawn) are ! The cave houses a very strange secret that is contaminating the soil and waters of the valley beyond with , well , I don't know really , Primal rabies or something !! Anja can't make it through the tunnel because she's chicken and drives the suv around !  Mel (seen in the caption to the left ) decides to take a skinny dip (god bless her !) in the lake near camp . However this lake is contaminated with an eerie oil slick that slides by the surface of the water every time someone's head is turned in the other direction . Mel gets covered in contaminated leaches and gets quite sick !! In fact , she turns , well , she turns into a raving  psychopathic cannibal actually !! With a killer screech ! And , as you see from her picture here , a serious need for Oxyclean !! (Spray&Wash in a pinch !!) Anyway , Mel develops a taste for her former travel companions and begins to hunt them down !(Yup you guessed it !! One by One !!)
  Director Josh Reed brings us a pretty neat little horror flick with Primal . The story is different , in that we're not talking crazy hillbillies or outback nut jobs here . The gore in Mel's hunting scenes is Bloody good , to tell the truth ! (torso ripping feeding frenzy scenes and the like !!) If anything , its a bit run of the mill . I also found that it seemed a bit disjointed . Like Reed had a lot of cool idea's but couldn't tie them all together neatly and explain some stuff . Don't get me wrong , I don't need or like EVERYTHING explained for me . That is really quite boring . However , I was left wondering about the cave dweller and the pregnancy scene , and the oil slick and  how it all came to be ! But hey , I only review em folks ! I've never made one !  So you be the judge , and decide for yourselves !
  And remember ....... If your friends want to take you out into the woods in the middle of nowhere in an suv for a camping trip near a strange lake ....Pray Dear God !!  Pray !!!! Pray that all the girls go Skinny Dipping !!!! 

 Until we meet again Fright Fans !!        Axemaster Out !

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