Sunday, 21 August 2011

The Book Of Eli (2010)

Written by Axemaster August 21 2011
Rating 8.5 out of 10

Directors   -   Albert and Allen Hughes

Denzel Wahington   -   Eli
Gary Oldman          -    Carnegie
Mila Kunis            -     Solara
Jennifer Beals       -     Claudia
Ray Stevenson     -      Redridge

                      Hey there you Apostles Of The Apocalypse !!! Axemasters in the Dungeon tonight with a real modern day Post Apocalyptic Classic for you !! Its August of the Apocalypse at Doomgoryums so here it is ! ............ The Book Of Eli !
 Here's the story line in a nut shell ..........................
"Oh Great ! I love Yard Sales !"

          The film opens on a grayish forest scene . We see the corpse of an unfortunate waste lander lying face up in leaves long dead , his gun near his hand . (Its a bitch out there in the wastelands ! You Know It !)
Along comes a very scrawny and bald cat , also looks a bit albino ! (Dam Mutations !) This poor old cat starts to feed on this most excellent waste land delicacy ! As its nibbling away , the camera pans and we see a pile of leaves that looks suspiciously like a dude wearing a gas mask ! A dude wearing a gas mask and holding a longbow !! Thus our little mutated kitty realizes too late that the next thing on the menu here at Chez Waste Land Cafe ......... is Him !! So Eli bags himself some cat for the long days on the road . He moves on for a while on a desert highway (isn't it always a desert highway !!??) through very desolate terrain and comes upon an old abandoned house . He checks it out cautiously , and finds another unfortunate Waste lander hanging in the closet ! This poor soul seemed to have lost his Faith ! However , luckily for Eli , he didn't lose his boots !! (Hey , JC Penny has been closed for about thirty years man ! You can't blame a man for wanting a new pare of boots !)
"Holy Crap ! Waste Land Ninja Attack !"
    Eli finds that the boots are a perfect fit and sits down to a little Albino mutant cat for dinner (sharing with the resident mouse !) and listens to some Mo Town , on what must be the worlds last Ipod !! Then , he does what he does ever night . He reads a bit from his book . It seems he's been carrying his book along the highways for about thirty years . To a destination he'll know when he finds it !
  The next day he moves on down the road , always heading West . (Hey Jim Morrison did say , The West Is The Best ! Maybe Eli's a Doors fan !) He comes upon a wretched looking woman , who is asking for help . It seems the wheel has come off her shopping cart ! Eli , no fool , literally Smells the trap , and a gang of hijackers pop out of their hiding places !! In a truly awesome scene , Eli tells the head Hijacker , if he pushes him again , he won't get his hand back ! This draws sneers from the gang and Head hijacker goes to push Eli again , and Whip Zip !!! Off comes the thugs hand ! Eli , it appears is fast as lightening !!
"Man I sure hope there's a KFC out
there some where !!"
 He takes on the whole gang . The fight scene is truly amazing , as it takes place under an old bridge , and Eli and the combatants are dark silhouettes against the bright desert beyond .
 After kicking butt and leaving the old crone sitting beside her shopping cart , Eli heads West once more . He comes to a small town , once probably a nice pleasant place to stop for fuel and a burger . Now its a dodgy place where deals are done for barter and you sleep with one eye open . Eli heads into the "Town Store" to get a top up on his battery ! (Gotta keep that Mo Town pumping out in the Wastes !!) The proprietor , needing to be cautious , pulls a shot gun on him , saying 'I don't know you " (Obviously not too concerned about new business !) . Eli displays more of his "unearthly" speed and snatches the shotgun from store guys hands , then gives it back to him !
"Nothing like a friendly get together !!"
Eli leaves his battery charging in the store and heads across the road to the towns watering hole . He goes up to the bar and asks for one canteen of water . he pays with a head scarf and a zippo lighter ! (Prices these days ! I tell you !) Of course the yokels in the bar don't like strangers and Eli soon finds himself in another brawl ! This time he kills almost all the guys in the bar ! This is witnessed by the town ruler . A slimy looking dude named Carnegie . In an earlier scene , we find out that Carnegie has been sending out his minions on long journeys into the wastes to bring back ...... Books ! Yes , thats Books , folks ! It seems he's interested in One book in particular . One book that could be used to bring the hopeless hope and the faithless a reason to live . One book , that could make Carnegie into the waste lands own Jim Jones ! He wants to use this book to rule over all !! BuHa Ha Ha Haaaa !!
"Ah California ! Even after the
Apocalypse its still vacation land !"
  At first Carnegie just wants to get Eli to work for him as an enforcer
due to his incredible fighting skills . So he keeps Eli in his tavern over night , wining and dining him , and he gives him a tasty young chick to spend the night with ! (Ahh The waste Land !) Solara , is sent into Eli's room to pleasure him . Eli , being a stand up guy , just shares the food with her and they talk . She finds out that Eli is carrying a Book with him . This is where Carnegies interest in Eli become more sinister !!
  The Book of Eli is one of my favorite Post Apocalyptic flicks of recent years . Yes it has the wasted vistas . Yes there's the action and fight scenes . Yes there's even armored Waste Land Vehicles roaring down the dusty highways !! However , it's the story that I like . Its a different sort of tale being told in this one . Not just the usual battle for gas , tires and water kind of thing .
 So Fright fans , give this one a try ! I think you might like it !!

                     And remember ...............................

                          Sometimes , what you Can't see ....................

                               Is right there to be seen !


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