Monday, 30 May 2011

The Car (1977)

Written by Axemaster on May 30 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director   -   Elliot Silverstein

James Brolin    -    Wade Parent
Kathleen Lloyd  -  Lauren
John Marley      -   Everett
R.G. Armstrong  -  Amos Clements
Ronnie Cox       -  Luke

"Look ! The New Cadlinkfordogevy ! My Favorite !"
      Hey there all you Devil Car Crazies !! Axemaster's back in the dungeon tonight , because the highways aren't safe any more !! Because of ................ The Car !!! This is another Classic flick full of Demonic Highway Highballing Horror ! Here's the story line in a nut shell ...........

    Open on a Desert vista ............ All is quiet ........ Sterile ....... Then , as if it is born out of the sand and stone ... a dust trail appears on the shimmering horizon . The wind brings the distant , but growing growl of straight pipes and an engine , tuned for speed .............. Daaaaat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat !!!!! An Eerie horn blasts through the silent heat !
   Cut to two young cyclists enjoying the twisting desert highway . Two hapless kids out for a ride and a picnic ! (And a little something else ! Hey It's the 1970's ! Lets Party !") Suddenly , we see , through reddish tint , the drivers view of the roadway , and we hear those straight pipes !! And there its is coming up on our love birds !! It Blasts out of a tunnels and closes in ! The gleaming chrome bumper scraping the back tire of cyclist number ones bike ! The Car pulls up beside her and scrapes her over the side of a cliff ! On to cyclist number two !! (This feels like a game show ! ) The Car follows him out on to a bridge spanning a huge canyon , and Yup , You guessed it , Over the side he goes !!
"Dam G.P.S. !! Never works right !!"
    Meanwhile , in the sleepy town of Santa Ynez , officer Wade Parent is just waking up . With the help of his cute little teacher girlfriend Lauren ! They Mess around , she sneaks out the back door , he gets his girls up and he's off to work on the motor bike ! Now while Wade and Lauren are getting frisky , The Car has claimed a third victim over at Amos Clements place . This time it's a french horn playing hippie (some times the lord works in mysterious ways!) who happened to wake Old Amos up with his instrument ! Amos told him to beat it or he'd shove his bugle up his arse and he'd be "Farting music for a year !" The hippie packs up his horn and sticks out his thumb to catch a ride , but ends up catching way more than he bargains for ! Daaat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat !! The Car Shreds this guy like hamburger !!! So by the time Wade gets to work , he's got Three dead bodies , and reports of an Eerie looking vehicle .
" Ah valet Parking !! How Classy !"
   Sheriff Everett tries to put the net out for the mystery Car . Unfortunately , that night , as Everett walks out into the street , The Car is waiting !! Its takes him out in a flash of dark Chrome and a peel of rubber !
  This leaves Wade in charge . Its now up to him to figure out what is happening in and around  Santa Ynez . There are two witnesses to Everett's murder . Amos Clements (Hillbillies are so unreliable !) and an old Native woman who saw The Car as it flashed past ! She says some weird stuff , like there are bad things coming on the wind , and she is taking her family back up into the hills at first light ! Oh and she also says ..... The Car ... Has No Driver !!! ( Gulp !!) Naturally Wade and the boys think she's had one too many vision quests , and they get back to patrolling and checking out leads . However ..... Wade soon finds that the hunt gets personal !! And That The car ....... is more than he expected !
  Will Wade and the good old boys on the santa Ynez Police force be able to triumph over this Rampaging Devil Rod !?? Will Satans Sedan Chew more hapless Santa Ynezians !!??
 I'll Never Tell !!!!
 You'll have to watch and find out for yourselves Fright Fans ! It is interesting that back in the 1970's , old James Brolin was a real Devil fighter for a couple of years anyway . In 1979 he would once again do battle with the demons in "The Amityville Horror " (All this Demon Battling must have prepared him for Babs !) Director Elliot Silverstein (A Man Called Horse) keeps the blood pumping with this flick ! He also does a good job of turning a Car , into a diabolical Character , with seemingly sinister intelligence .
"Oh Boy ! We shouldn't have let Grandma Drive !!"
Once again , I go against the I.M.D.B.  rating of this flick . But I feel , we appreciate Horror a little more than those dudes ! (No Offense guys !)
   But as always , I'll let You decide Horror Hounds ! So grab that popcorn , turn out the lights , and take a bit of a wild ride with The Car .......... If you dare !!

      And remember ............

          Satan might be one hell of a fiddle player .....

                But He SUCKS At Driving So Get Out Of His Way !!!! 

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Zombie Map - Call of the Dead - Call of Duty Black Ops review

Written by Paintball Zombie
Rating 9 out of 10

  First off I can say Call of the Dead is my favourite zombie map on zombies, it's so big and easy to get lost in, that’s why I love it. Now as you probably know the four main characters are Danny Trejo, Sarha Michelle Gellar, Robert Englund, and Michael Rooker, with special appearance by  the one the only George A. Romaro. You start off in the center of the map next to quick revive now there’s two ways you can go, either to the power or to the light house, now going to the power is always good for more than one reason first because the game revolves around the power , two because that will allow you to go to juggernaug  big part of the game and third because it will also allow you to use the flinger (my personal  favourite).
 Now the main point to this game is to find a spot that your team can camp in and stay there, only move at the end of the round if you get a crawler, there are two new weapons in this game the vr-11 and the scavenger.  The vr-11 is the wonder weapon for  this game it turns zombies into humans they run away and attract the zombies if you shoot it at a partner they will be invincible for a short period of time long enough to get a partner up, the scavenger is like the crossbow but it holds three shots in a clip when shot it shoots out 1 stick of dynamite, it has a scope and it’s much more powerful great to clear out a hored of zombies.
Now for all of you that want to kill the George Romero go right ahead but I recommend to do it with a strong upgraded weapon or the upgraded vr-11 it takes him down in one shot but he will comeback every couple of rounds, but don’t worry he gives you a perk every time you kill him and a death machine. Now just like in the last zombie map Ascension there’s a big Easter egg  but this time theres some old friends we need to help out that’s right Nikolie , Dempsey, Takeo and the one that’s got us in this mess Richtoffen, they have teleported behind a door and the teleporter broke  and they need are help to fix it. Now the first step is to knife the door and they will ask you to find a fuse and place it in the fusebox then they ask you to destroy each power box once that is completed they ask you to find some vodka, then you place it in the air tube next to the door once done you have to turn the dials in the light house in a certain order to get the numbers to match up to 2746 starting from top to bottom, once completed you must acctivate the four  radios in order starting from the one in the room behind the Flinger the next one is in the Stamina Up building the next is in a crate near the semtex and the last one is  in the room where the people are traped in.

 If done correctly there will be a light and a noise behind the light house then you make your way up to the power room and turn the ships steering wheel twice to the left, pull the first lever down once and the very last lever three times then a submarine will appear if you look at the light house you will see the light shining down on it for the next part you will need the vr-11, you will bring a zombie to the bottom of the light house where there will be a light shining through the middle of the stairwell you shoot the zombie with the vr-11 then he will start to get sucked to the top but before he reaches the top you must kill him.
Once done there will be a golden rod at the bottom of the stairwell you need to take that to Richtoffen by putting it through the air tube then you must knife the fuse again if done properly you will be given a achievement ,two new gamer pics and the DG-22 Wunderwaff, you will be given this  every time you kill George but unfortunatly only one person gets it at a time so choose who will get it wisely that’s it for now, Paintball Zombie out.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Vincent Price 100 yrs old R.I.P.

Hey gang Happys got a little tribute for ya , Horror legend Vincent Price would have been 100 years old yesterday , and since he's one of my favourite Horror actores, I thought how fitting to give a bio on his birthday, (born May 27, 1911, St. Louis, Mo., U.S.—died October 25, 1993, Los Angeles, Calif.) American actor usually noted for his brilliant performances in horror films.
Price was the son of the owner of the National Candy Company and the grandson of the inventor of baking powder. He graduated from Yale University in 1933 and spent a year as a schoolteacher before, as Price himself put it, “I had the extraordinary experience of finding out that I knew nothing.” He enrolled at the University of London in 1934 to pursue a master's degree in fine arts, but his burgeoning interest in the theatre soon led him to pursue an acting career. He first appeared onstage in a London production of the play Chicago and next portrayed the leading role of Prince Albert in Victoria Regina (both 1934). The latter production was particularly successful and transferred to Broadway in 1935 as a vehicle for actress Helen Hayes “I came along with the sets,” Price later joked, and he stayed with the production for three years.
While in New York, Price joined Orson Welles's prestigious Mercury Theatre ensemble of radio actors and performed leading roles in several Mercury productions. In 1938 he traveled to Hollywood and made his screen debut in Service de Luxe, and he eventually landed lead and character roles in such popular films as The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex (1939), The House of the Seven Gables (1940), Laura (1944), Leave Her to Heaven (1945), and Champagne for Caesar (1950). He portrayed romantic leads and classical characters during this period but was at his best when playing evil men for dramatic or comedic effect, as in the low-budget Shock (1946). By the 1950s Price had accumulated an impressively diverse résumé but had yet to establish himself as a major star.
His big break came with House of Wax (1953), one of the first films shot in 3D, in which he played a murderous, but seemingly kindly, sculptor who uses human victims to populate his eerily lifelike wax museum. With this film he established himself as America's master of horror, and he was instrumental in reestablishing the genre's popularity, performing in such films as The Fly (1958), House on Haunted Hill (1958), Return of the Fly (1959), and The Tingler (1959). Price, however, did not limit himself to horror films, and he demonstrated his range with memorable performances in such fare as the Bob Hope comedy Casanova's Big Night (1954), the newspaper drama While the City Sleeps (1956), and Cecil B. DeMille's biblical epic The Ten Commandments (1956).

In the 1960s Price appeared in his most acclaimed series of films: adaptations of Edgar Allan Poe short stories, as directed by B-film king Roger Corman. Often appearing with such veterans of the macabre as Boris Karloff, Basil Rathbone, and Peter Lorre, Price delivered memorably menacing performances in the films The House of Usher (1960), The Pit and the Pendulum (1961), Tales of Terror (1962), The Raven (1963), The Haunted Palace (1963), The Masque of the Red Death (1964), and The Tomb of Ligeia (1964). It was during this period that Price attained cult-figure status, especially among the younger generation, and he gleefully parodied his own gothic image in such farces as Beach Party (1963), The Comedy of Terrors (1963), and Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965). He eschewed the campy histrionics for such films as Matthew Hopkins: Witchfinder General (1968; released in the U.S. as The Conqueror Worm), in which he delivered one of his most effectively sinister performances.
Price's popularity continued into the 1970s, and such movies as The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) and Theatre of Blood (1973) remain fan favourites. Shortly thereafter Price cut back substantially on his acting to devote himself to his other passions in life: fine art and gourmet cooking. In 1951 he established the Vincent Price Gallery and Art Foundation on the campus of East Los Angeles Community College, to which he donated much of his prestigious private collection. He donated generously to museums and art foundations throughout his life, and in 1972 he wrote the best-selling coffee-table book A Treasury of American Art. With his second wife, Mary, he coauthored several cookbooks and cohosted several television cooking shows throughout the 1960s and early '70s. Their A Treasury of Great Recipes (1965) is well regarded.
Price returned to the New York stage in 1978 with his acclaimed portrayal of Oscar Wilde in the play Diversions and Delights. He continued to accept occasional film and television roles throughout his later years; two of his final performances—in The Whales of August (1987) and Edward Scissorhands (1990)—were particularly memorable. The director of Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton, also paid homage to Price in the 1982 short film Vincent, which Price himself proclaimed a greater tribute “than a star on Hollywood Boulevard.” Price's menacing screen presence was in direct contrast to his offscreen reputation for kindness and generosity.
 During his life, he was married three times, and fathered a son, Vincent Barret Price with is first wife, and a daughter, Mary Victoria Price with his second wife.  His third wife, the Australian actress, Coral Browne starred with him in “Theatre of Blood“, and became an American citizen to marry him, while he converted to Catholicism for her.
Vincent Price was quite outspoken politically- going so far as to end an episode of “The Saint” by denouncing racial and religious prejudice- declaring it a poison, and calling for Americans to fight against it since such prejudice only serves to support the country’s enemies.
Emphysema and Parkinson’s disease resulted in Price’s role in “Edward Scissorhands” to be briefer than it had originally been planned, as well as led to him retiring from the TV series, “Mystery!“.
On October 25, 1993, Vincent Price passed away from cancer.  His ashes were spread off Point Dume in Malibu, California.  Shortly after his death, A&E aired an episode of “Biography” honoring his horror career- but due to copyright problems, the episode has never been aired again. Below Ive posted I pretty awsome fan based tribute, and a Kool interview I found with Vincent Price  Enjoy........

Friday, 27 May 2011

Dracula ( 1931 )

Written by Happywax   May 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director  - Tod Browning (FREAKS)

Bela Lugosi  -  Count Dracula
Helen Chandler  -  Mina
Dwight Frye  -  Renfield
Edward Van Sloan  -  Van Helsing
Frances Dade -  Lucy
Good Evening........ I am..........Happywax , ok ok so I do a lousy Dracula, but one kind of film that Universal Studios did better than any other was the Gothic horror story. Carl Laemmle practically took out a patent on those films. The sets were already on the lot, he just kept making Frankenstein, Wolfman, and Dracula films at minimal cost and they made money for Universal. In fact until Deanna Durbin started singing for this studio and Abbott&Costello brought over their vaudeville routines, these horror films were the bread butter of Universal Pictures.

Interestingly enough though Bela Lugosi only played the role of Count Dracula twice on film, he became so overwhelmingly identified with the part that Lugosi's whole life was taken over by the undead Count. He was buried in fact in his Dracula costume.

Lugosi however did portray the vampire Count on Broadway in a play adapted from the Bram Stoker novel three years before he did the screen version for Universal. It was on Broadway that Lugosi first got acclaim for Dracula. Carl Laemmle bought the screen rights to the play after seeing Lugosi on stage and just in time for sound. Edward Van Sloan as Van Helsing and Herbert Bunston as Dr. Seward also came over from the Broadway cast.

Although Bela got his career role from this film, Edward Van Sloan as the vampire killer Van Helsing also got the role that people identify him with. Van Sloan practically duplicated his role in The Mummy which also became another series of horror films for Universal.

Oddly enough Lugosi himself killed the Universal horror genre by that second appearance as Count Dracula in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. When those mythic horror monsters became comic foils for Bud and Lou, the demand ceased for these kind of films. It only started again when British Hammer films revived the genre by making them far more explicit and bloody.

Still with that Hungarian accented voice of cultured menace, Bela Lugosi remains for purists the only real Dracula ever put on screen, Christopher Lee notwithstanding. 

Dracula will be still frightening viewers centuries from now. After all vampires are eternal.
"You got Cookie Crumbs Everywhere !!"
"Thats It ! I'm Getting a Stairmaster !"
"Please .. Tell me one more story !"

The Horribly slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient weapon (2008)

Written by Happywax   May 2011
Rating  6.5 out of 10
Director  -  Richard Gale

Paul Clemens  -  Jack Cucchiaio
Brian Rohan  -  The Muderer
Fay Kato  -  The Mystic
Richard Gale  -  Narrator
Michael James Kacey - The Doctor

                                                                                                                               Hey Guys and Gouls , Happys back with another short story for ya, I'm kinda undecided with this one, I've watched it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and i still just don't know.  Despite this film's length of 10 minutes, it overstays its welcome by using a repetitive joke: a strange villain who uses a spoon to kill a man by hitting him with it. Yes, that's mostly what this short film, made as a fake trailer by Richard Gale, is about. The joke's funny, for sure, but when it's done over and over and over ( ok ok i won't put you throught that again  lol) I feel like I get it. The villain starts chasing this man seemingly around the world, which is clever, although the film doesn't go over-the-top enough. Eventually, the man decides to break out the weapons and explosives to kill this villain. Sorry, but I've seen that a little too many times before, like in another short called "Bring Me the Head of Charlie Brown". The other jokes in "The Horribly Slow Murderer" are only worth a chuckle and are also sort of predictable. I give Gale credit because I still haven't seen a spoof quite like this one. Maybe you Freaks will find it funnier than I did.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Forklift Driver Klaus : The First Day on the Job ( 2000)

 Written by Happywax   May 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director -  Stefan Prehn & Jorg Wagner

Konstantin Graudus  -  Staplerfahrer Klaus
Gustav Adolph Artz  -  Schulungsleiter
Jurgen Kittel  -  Springender Kollege
Soncke M.  Korries  -  Helmut, der absturzt

Does Happy ever have a treat for you tonight , If you have ever wondered if a forklift could be used as a deadly weapon, look no further than the German short film Staplerfahrer Klaus: Der Erste Arbeitstag.

It starts out like any one of those cheesy workplace safety videos, with the narrator and animations explaining the do's and don't's of forklift operation, as our main character Klaus blunders his way through the first day of work. However, it's not long before his mistakes result in his coworkers dying in hilariously over-the-top gory fashions. Even as the body count grows higher and higher, the film never really stops trying to be a serious workplace safety video, which is why the whole thing had me laughing my ass off, I'll tell you what the next time any of you have to go in for work place safety training, slip this little number in the dvd player, I guarentee no one will be sleeping through this video. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               And just to help you out abit your old pal did some searchin for ya, and found the uncut version, enjoy.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Squirm (1976)

Written by Axemaster May 25 2011
Rating 7 out of 10

Director   -   Jeff Lieberman

Don Scardino  -  Mick
Patricia Pearcy -  Geri
Fran Higgins    -  Alma
Jean Sullivan   -   Naomi
R.A. Dow       -   Roger

        Hey there all you Creature Feature Freakazoids !! Axemaster's back in the Dungeon tonight with another Moldy Oldie , but still a Goldie for you .... Squirm !! Now before I get started , I'd like to point out that IMDB sort of slams this flick ! I talked to my old Pal Happywax about this one , and we can't figure out why ! This is a classic low budget 1970's Horror flick ! It's what the genre was founded on for gods sake ! Depending on who you talk to , the term Cult Classic comes into play . Anyway , here the story line in a nut shell .............

       Mick from New York has the Hots for Geri from Georgia !! (I don't blame him .... Rrrowww !) He's flying down to meet her in her home town of Fly Creek ! (hey it's the 1970's !! He wants some free love !!)
Geri and Mick met at a antique show or some thing , and Geri has convinced Mick , who's an antique dealer , that there are some gems right there down in Fly Creek ! ( namely HER !!)
"Oh No ! I think the General store is out of Condoms !"
  Now , its been stormy in Fly Creek as of late and all the power lines got blown down in a real whopper of a storm the night before Mick arrives . Geri picks him up walking down the road into town , after the bus he was on turned around because the roads were blocked by storm debris . She borrowed her neighbor rogers truck . Roger is a sort of simple dude who runs a Worm Farm with his mean old Dad . The truck has a load of worms on it and is a real clunker !
 "Worm Farming really Gets under my Skin !" 
    Now in these parts of Georgia , the worms , well ..... They Bite !! (EEeeewww !!) They have these real ugly little mouths and they Bite !! What no one really knows is that the downed power lines are sending thousands of volts into the ground and riling up these nasty little sucker to the point where they're FURIOUS !! The electricity in fact , begins to alter their simple wormieness , changing them into , Yup ! You Guessed it ...... Carnivorous Super Worms !!!!!! ( Aarrrrrgghhhhhh !!!!)
"Stand back ! I Know Cpr !"
   Meanwhile , Love struck Mick and Geri go into town for some ice , as the power is off , and Geri's mom needs the ice so the food won't spoil . Mick goes into the local diner and orders a ice cream soda . He get more than he bargains for , as there is a Big thick Ugly Worm in it ! (Yyuuucck !) Naturally , being from the big city , the local Sheriff (who's in there hitting on the sexy owner of the place ... hey 1970's free love !!) thinks that Mick is being a smart ass and dropped the worm in himself ! Mick hightails it out of there , and Geri and him are off home to drop off his bags and head out Antique hunting . Their First stop on the hunt is a local antique hoarder ... Mr Beardsley ! They drive out to his place , but he's no where to be found ! (hhmm ) But they do find .... a Skeleton !!(HHmmmm !) They decide to go get the Sheriff and he back to town . The Sheriff seeing Mick for the second time in one day , comes along grudgingly to take a look . However , when they get him out to Mr. Beardsley's place .... The skeleton ..... Is Gone !!!! (Dun Da Da Duunnn !!) The Sheriff warns Mick that if there's anymore gags , he'll run him out of town !
"I'd like to get something off my chest !"
    So , They decide to go fishing with simple Roger , because Geri feels sorry for getting him in trouble ! See , he got shit from his Pa , for lending the company truck to Geri earlier to pick up Mick ! But Old Roger has the hots for foxy Geri (Rrrroww !) and just couldn't help himself ! As they are waiting for Simple Roger , the Plot Thickens , as They find the missing Skeleton , in the back of his Daddies Truck ! (Double Dun Da Da Duunn !!) Mick and Geri agree to still go fishing , but they're going to have some investigating to do ! Its on the fishing trip , that Roger , well he has an unfortunate mishap with the Worms he brought for bait , that will be ... er ..... Rather ........... Hard ........ on his complection !!
     Squirm , is an enjoyable flick to watch , and I think it's an original sort of tale . There's been nothing quite like it since anyways ! The gore is pretty tame , but there are some good special effects for a "B" movie from the 70's ! Probably due to it being Oscar winning ( An American Werewolf In London ) make up artist Rick Baker's first kick at the can ! The story is campy and creepy , and full of twists and turns . I defend the honor of this low budget flick .
                            But as alway dear Fright Freaks , I will let you decide . Pop some Corn . Turn out the lights . (preferably on a stormy night ) And take a trip down to Georgia , 1976 . Power lines down . Phones too .

                  And Remember .................. When the sun goes down .............

                                                  The Creatures of the night .........

                                                                  FEED !!

Race With The Devil (1975)

Written by Axemaster May 25 2011
Rating 7 out of 10

Director   -   Jack Starrett

Peter Fonda   -   Roger Marsh
Warren Oates  -  Frank Stewart
Loretta Swit    -  Alice Stewart
Lara Parker    -   Kelly Marsh
R.G. Armstrong  -  Sheriff Taylor

   Hey there all you Devil Movie Maniacs !! Axemasters back in the dungeon tonight (boy it's a bit damp down here !) !! I've been mining my collection of highway horror , and came up withthis old gem for you ....... Race With The devil !! (have you crucifix and holy water ready !) Here's the story line in a nut shell .................

    Roger and Frank are good buddies that own a cool motor bike dealership (perfect chance to see Pete "Easyrider" Fonda on two wheels !!) together . They sell dirt bikes and are doing so well , Frank picks up a 36 thousand dollar motor home ! (Hey , it's 1975 remember ! You could by , like , The Love Boat with that much back then !!) Yeah its a real "Groovy one with all the modern fixings , like a 4 channel Stereo , a color TV , a Microwave ! (Nah Really !?) and a  kitchen , and bathroom !! Kewl !! Anyway , they plan a cross country getaway with their wives and the open road . Get on that American flag chopper and ride till ....... Oopps , sorry , wrong flick !!
"Dam It ! I forgot the Marshmallows !! 
  Anyway , they head out and hit the rolling hills . They pick a wonderfully secluded back road , and pull off for the day . They enjoy the peace and quiet with a little dirt bike racing , and stuff like that ! (Hey , gas was only 8 cents a gallon ! What the Hell ! Oooops ! Did I say hell !?) Mean while , Kelly and Alice take a little walk in the hills . They take Ginger the dog with them . Ginger the dog , seems a bit uneasy , barking in a "Hey I Smell Trouble !" kind of way . Kelly picks up on this uneasy vibe , and she seems more onto what unfolds later than any of the others .
   That night they have a little wine and fine dinning via the "New Fangled " Micro Wave , and as the girls are getting ready for bed , the boys are outside have a final drink and chewing the fat . This is when , all "Hell" breaks loose !! (Ooops did I say Hell again !!?? Yes I Did !!) As Roger and Frank are talking , a huge fire bursts into being on the distant river bank . In the glow , we see silhouetted , the outline of a creepy tree .(Witch Tree's we used to call them ! Gulp !) Roger and Frank , look on in puzzled surprise , as there seems to be a ritual of some sort taking place . The surprise turns to Horror as , they witness a young girl Sacrificed before their eyes !! (I hate when that happens !) It seems that our hapless holidayers
"Choppers , Motorhomes , I do it All Baby !"
have stumbled onto a nest of .. Satanists ! ( I hate those guys !)
    They hightail it out of their , in a cloud of exhaust and burnt rubber !! Some of the Satanists try hanging on to the motorhome , and the back window gets smashed , but Roger and the gang get away ! They head to the nearest little Hick town , and report the whole thing to Sheriff Taylor . (No not Andy !) Old Sheriff Taylor seems to want to play down the whole Idea of a sacrifice , and Satanists and stuff . So much so , that the Gang begin to suspect that something is amiss in Hick town . Roger and Frank sneak their own blood sample at the site of the sacrifice , unbeknownst to Taylor , who seems to already think that the Girl who they saw killed , was really a dog !! Hhmm ! Girl , Dog ...... Pretty close !! Anyway , the gang leave with the intension of heading for Amarillo , which is the nearest big city , to drop off their "Blood sample" .
    They head on down the road and stop for the night at a trailer park . Kelly gets freaked out in the pool , as it seems that the place is full of strange looking creeps , who all seem to be staring at our gang ! The vibe in the Eerie camp ground is sinister , and as they come back to the Motorhome they find poor old Ginger has been the victim of a Diabolical plot !! Once again , they burn rubber and hit the road !
  From here on in , The gang battle it out on the highway !! In scenes that almost surly inspired The Road Warrior , Roger and Frank pull no punches , and a Spectacularly Stunning Spectacle of Speeding Satanist Smashing ensues !! (Oh sorry, got carried away there ! )
"And I'm Calling Youuuuu !!)
  Will our gang survive the satanists onslaught !?? Making it to Amarillo ? ...... I'll never Tell !! You'll have to watch ... and see for yourself !
    Race With The devil is a cool old movie , even if it is a bit dated .
Peter Fonda is , as always , Classic Cool . Back in the day , any film about the Devil or Satanists , seemed to scare the crap out of everyone . Though I don't find it terrifying , it has a sense of paranoia to it that , on a cold night , might make you think twice about camping out in the back road country !
"Mad Max Who !!??"

            So Remember Fright Fans ...................

               The Satanists of the world NEVER SLEEP !!!! 

                   And They Don't Like Motor Homes !!!! 

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Planet Terror (2007)

"Get A Leg Up Will Ya !!"

Written by Happywax  May 2011
Rating 8.5 out of 10

Director   -   Robert Rodriguez

Rose McGowen-   Cherry Darling
Freddy Rodriguez-   Wray
Josh Brolin-   Dr. William Block
Bruce Willis-   Lt. Muldoon
Mary Shelton-   Dr. Dakota Block
Quentin Tarantino- Zombie
Tom Savini   -   Deputy Tolo
" A Crap , I got some on me ! "
"This Humidity is Killing me !"
Well well well , how are all you Gringhousian Gore Geeks , Happys in the dungeon tonight with a special little treat for ya, here is Robert Rodriguez's contribution to "Grindhouse", in my opinion the best film from 2007. Rodriguez's film is an homage to the campy zombie horror films from the 1970's, complete with excessive violence/gore, sexuality, deliberately bad dialogue, and a well-timed missing reel. As an added bonus, he gave the entire movie a look of worn/scratched/faded film as if the reel had seen better days. In the film, a Texas town becomes over-ridden with flesh-hungry sickos after a biochemical is released into the air and a group of survivors (led by a mysterious stranger and a one-legged go-go dancer) must fight to escape.

I can't begin to explain how much I loved this movie. It attempts to be one of those "so-bad-its-good" flicks but comes out as something much greater. The acting is eccentric and over-the-top, with an awesome cast including Freddy Rodriguez, Rose McGowan, Marley Shelton, Bruce Willis, and plenty more. Josh Brolin was fantastic as the evil/creepy Dr. William Block and I got a kick out of Freddy Rodriguez's over-acting as the mysterious Wray. The writing is sharp and the movie never takes itself too seriously.

For fans of cheesy gore/violence, this film has PLENTY to go around. Explosions occur frequently (sometimes without reason), people are torn apart, flesh is consumed, etc. There are some serious gross-out moments in this film, even for those who consider themself desensitized (i.e. the tongue blister...). My favorite moment has to be when Quentin Tarantino makes a cameo appearance as a soldier attempting to rape Cherry Darling (McGowan); his transformation was awesomely sickening and reminiscent of John Carpenter's "The Thing". This movie really does have it all, I think Ive watched this master piece over 25 times, and im still not sick of it, and after the success of Machette and Hobo with a |Shotgun I hope they can keep pumping out the GrindHouse style of movies, I know I'll be there.... 
"Loser ! Cordless is the way to go !!"