Friday, 6 May 2011

Army Of Darkness (1992)

Written by Axemaster on May 6 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director   -   Sam Raimi

Bruce campbell     -     Ash
Embeth Davidtz    -    Sheila
Marcus Gilbert      -    Lord Arthur
Ian Abecrombie    -    Wise Man
Richard Grove      -    Duke Henry The Red

   Hey there Terror Trolls ! Axemasters back in the dungeon today , with the final installment of The Evil Dead Trilogy ....... Army of Darkness !!
This is a classic must see for all first timers to masters Raimi and campbells
Glorious Gore filled whacked out adventures of a simple "housewares" employee named Ash ! All those who aren't first timers , will enjoy watching this flick again and again , as once , just isn't enough !! Heres the story line in a nut shell ......................

"Want to arm wrestle for beers !?"
    Okay , so , there's this guy named Ash . A simple S-Mart employee , who just wanted to take his girlfriend , Linda, on a romantic , relaxing "Sugar" filled weekend at a cabin up in the woods . But , sometimes what we plan doesn't come to be ! At the cabin , Ash and Linda were attacked by evil forces in the form of Candarian demons , who came into our realm via an old , human flesh bound book called .... the Necronomicon ! Ash battled them furiously , but wasn't able to save Linda . She got possessed and he had to lop off her head with a garden spade !!(oh trust me , it gets better !!) Her decapitated head , bit him in the hand , thus turning his own hand against him !! He did what any red blooded survivalist would do of course ! He cut off the evil appendage with a Chain Saw !!! There after a battle ensues at and around the cabin that would make Rambo week in the knees ! At the end of this battle , Ash uses the Necronomicon to open a portal into time , and blast the demons , the hell out of our dimension !! The only problem is , he blasts himself out , right along with them ! (sheesh ! all this guy wanted to do was get laid !)
"S-Mart security ! Nothing to be alarmed about folks !! "
    So , he ends up in the 1300's (yes folks ! I told you it gets better !) where he is first made a slave , as the local Knights , who have been battling there own demon problem , mistake him for one . It might have something to do with the chainsaw that is now his right arm ! I don't know , just a guess !
  They throw him in a pit , containing , Yup You Guessed it ! Demons ! Or as the folks in these parts refer to them ..... Deadites !! (Dun da da DUNN!)
Of course by this time , old Ash has learned to kick some serious Ash , oh sorry I mean Ass (ha ha ) and a couple of Deadites in a pit are nothing for him !
He also gets a hand (in this case his chainsaw hand !!) from an
 old "Wise Man" who tosses his motor powered appendage into the pit for him ! You see , Wise Man believes that Ash is the Savior out of an old prophesy , and that he will lead them out of their dark times !
Ash destroys them in a jiffy and makes it back out of the pit , and decks the king of the castle , Lord Arthur in front of every body , and dares all comers to take him on ! (is this going to his head or what !)
"Who says Im getting to long in the tooth for part 4 !?"
   After that , everybody adores Ash , and he is treated like a hero . He relaxes with a hot bath (presumably the first in three films worth of grime !! EEeeewww !!) and some young ladies seeing to his every need , feeding him grapes and the works , you know ! Hero stuff ! All the while , a slightly ashamed , Lord Arthur (He got decked by a one handed housewares employee for god sake !! ) and the Wise Man , brief Ash on his mission ! He has to go out and retrieve a creepy old book , bound in human flesh (Oh god , Not that Again !!) , the Necronomicon ! This is the only hope they have of defeating the Deadites once and for all , and for Ash , the book is the only way back to his own time ! The Wise Man tells him where he has to go to get the book . He also tells him , that there is an incantation he must speak before he takes the book , or he will unleash , Yup , You Guessed it again ,
"This razor rash is a bitch !!"
An Army Of Darkness ! Naturally , being in a hurry to get back home to running water and cheese burgers , Ash rushes off to save the day one more time !  Along the way , he has some troubles , you know , being cloned by demons , fighting little imp Ashes , just the general annoyances when dealing with Deadites !!
So , by the time he reaches the alter , where the book is kept , its completely understandable that our S-Mart Warrior , well he , kinda ...... Forgets the Magic Words that release the Necronomicon safely !! (Shit Eh !!)
Of course as you can imagine ..... All Hell Breaks loose ! Ash is forced to return to the castle on the run , and admit he screwed the pooch as far as getting the book without unleashing more Evil Deadites upon the hapless castle dwellers !
"Lets go for a soda Sweetie  !!"
  Obviously , this flick is a zany romp through Horror Comedy that shouldn't be missed ! The flick still has some gore and lots of ghoulish creatures , but its toned down bit from the two previous films . Given that it was made in the early 1990's , thats not surprising . Gore was kind of out for a while back then . But the story itself is a blast ! (from a BOOM Stick maybe !!?)
"I thought we settled this  !! I'm Driving today !! 
I for one hope that Sam Raimi can whip old Bruce into shape enough for one more kick at the can ! Because , you know ..... you never can tell when some of those pesky Deadites will show up and start messing things up !!
 So You Hounds of Horror , its time for the Axemaster to sign off once again ! Its getting a bit dusty down in the dungeon so I've got some vacuuming  to do down here .

          And remember Fright fans.................. if you ever go to a cabin in the woods ............

                                  Remember these simple words .................
                                                CLATTOO .............

                                                      VERATTA .................


                                                      Oh Crap ! !!!!!!!!!!

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