Monday, 30 May 2011

The Car (1977)

Written by Axemaster on May 30 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director   -   Elliot Silverstein

James Brolin    -    Wade Parent
Kathleen Lloyd  -  Lauren
John Marley      -   Everett
R.G. Armstrong  -  Amos Clements
Ronnie Cox       -  Luke

"Look ! The New Cadlinkfordogevy ! My Favorite !"
      Hey there all you Devil Car Crazies !! Axemaster's back in the dungeon tonight , because the highways aren't safe any more !! Because of ................ The Car !!! This is another Classic flick full of Demonic Highway Highballing Horror ! Here's the story line in a nut shell ...........

    Open on a Desert vista ............ All is quiet ........ Sterile ....... Then , as if it is born out of the sand and stone ... a dust trail appears on the shimmering horizon . The wind brings the distant , but growing growl of straight pipes and an engine , tuned for speed .............. Daaaaat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat !!!!! An Eerie horn blasts through the silent heat !
   Cut to two young cyclists enjoying the twisting desert highway . Two hapless kids out for a ride and a picnic ! (And a little something else ! Hey It's the 1970's ! Lets Party !") Suddenly , we see , through reddish tint , the drivers view of the roadway , and we hear those straight pipes !! And there its is coming up on our love birds !! It Blasts out of a tunnels and closes in ! The gleaming chrome bumper scraping the back tire of cyclist number ones bike ! The Car pulls up beside her and scrapes her over the side of a cliff ! On to cyclist number two !! (This feels like a game show ! ) The Car follows him out on to a bridge spanning a huge canyon , and Yup , You guessed it , Over the side he goes !!
"Dam G.P.S. !! Never works right !!"
    Meanwhile , in the sleepy town of Santa Ynez , officer Wade Parent is just waking up . With the help of his cute little teacher girlfriend Lauren ! They Mess around , she sneaks out the back door , he gets his girls up and he's off to work on the motor bike ! Now while Wade and Lauren are getting frisky , The Car has claimed a third victim over at Amos Clements place . This time it's a french horn playing hippie (some times the lord works in mysterious ways!) who happened to wake Old Amos up with his instrument ! Amos told him to beat it or he'd shove his bugle up his arse and he'd be "Farting music for a year !" The hippie packs up his horn and sticks out his thumb to catch a ride , but ends up catching way more than he bargains for ! Daaat Dat Dat Dat Dat Dat !! The Car Shreds this guy like hamburger !!! So by the time Wade gets to work , he's got Three dead bodies , and reports of an Eerie looking vehicle .
" Ah valet Parking !! How Classy !"
   Sheriff Everett tries to put the net out for the mystery Car . Unfortunately , that night , as Everett walks out into the street , The Car is waiting !! Its takes him out in a flash of dark Chrome and a peel of rubber !
  This leaves Wade in charge . Its now up to him to figure out what is happening in and around  Santa Ynez . There are two witnesses to Everett's murder . Amos Clements (Hillbillies are so unreliable !) and an old Native woman who saw The Car as it flashed past ! She says some weird stuff , like there are bad things coming on the wind , and she is taking her family back up into the hills at first light ! Oh and she also says ..... The Car ... Has No Driver !!! ( Gulp !!) Naturally Wade and the boys think she's had one too many vision quests , and they get back to patrolling and checking out leads . However ..... Wade soon finds that the hunt gets personal !! And That The car ....... is more than he expected !
  Will Wade and the good old boys on the santa Ynez Police force be able to triumph over this Rampaging Devil Rod !?? Will Satans Sedan Chew more hapless Santa Ynezians !!??
 I'll Never Tell !!!!
 You'll have to watch and find out for yourselves Fright Fans ! It is interesting that back in the 1970's , old James Brolin was a real Devil fighter for a couple of years anyway . In 1979 he would once again do battle with the demons in "The Amityville Horror " (All this Demon Battling must have prepared him for Babs !) Director Elliot Silverstein (A Man Called Horse) keeps the blood pumping with this flick ! He also does a good job of turning a Car , into a diabolical Character , with seemingly sinister intelligence .
"Oh Boy ! We shouldn't have let Grandma Drive !!"
Once again , I go against the I.M.D.B.  rating of this flick . But I feel , we appreciate Horror a little more than those dudes ! (No Offense guys !)
   But as always , I'll let You decide Horror Hounds ! So grab that popcorn , turn out the lights , and take a bit of a wild ride with The Car .......... If you dare !!

      And remember ............

          Satan might be one hell of a fiddle player .....

                But He SUCKS At Driving So Get Out Of His Way !!!! 

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