Sunday, 16 October 2011

The Thing (2011)

Written by Axemaster October 16 , 2011
Rating 7.5 out of 10

Director   -Matthijs Van Heijningen Jr.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead  -  Kate Lloyd
Joel Edgerton    -    Braxton Carter
Ulrich Thomsen  -  Dr. Sander Halvorson
Eric Christian Olsen  -  Adam Goodman
Jergen Langelle     -     Lars                    
"Hap & Axe Say , 7.5 !! ....
look at those handsome devils !"
           Hey there all you Frozen Fright Freaks !
Your old pals Hap & Axe were on hand Friday night to see the long awaited , much anticipated Prequel to John Carpenters 1982 Classic ........... The Thing !!!! 
We went in there with our Parka's and snow goggles on , and our flame throws primed !! Our old pal Karl Headblaster (who Bares a striking resemblance to Windows !!) was also on hand to enjoy the night ! We came , We watched , We saw , We discussed and held council until the Wee hours of the morning , when the candles down here in the Dungeon began to burn quit low ,  about this remake of a Horror Milestone . ( Notice I said ..Remake ? Hhmm .)

                          First let me give you the story line in a real quick nut shell ............

"I like My marshmallows WELL Done !"

It's 1982 , Antarctica . The snow is blowing , and at the Norwegian scientific outpost , they've made a discovery of Mind blowing proportions ! (No not that they can make brandy in a fish tank !) They've tracked a mysterious signal back to its source and found an Extraterrestrial craft buried in the ice , along with the body of the pilot , whom they presumed died in the crash !! They enlist the aid of an American Paleontologist who specializes in thawing out frozen prehistoric specimens . Thus it is that we get four Americans on the scene to help in the historic event . The norwegians are trying to keep things hush hush , so when Kate and her friend Adam goodman are told what they are dealing with , They're flabbergasted !!! The other two
"My God Norwegian Spiders are Large !"
Americans on scene are Chopper pilots Jameson , and Carter (MacReady !! Oh Sorry , sorry ... that just slipped out !) Anyway , they haul the body of the alien back to the base in a huge block of ice , and store it in one of buildings to thaw . Against Kates advice , Dr. Sander Halvorson drills into the block , to take a sample of the "Things" body tissue ! ( Bad Norwegian ! Bad !)
See old Dr. Sander , is the A-Hole on deck . He wants to win the Nobel Prize for this find , and Dam Quick !! So , later on , as the Thing sits thawing , the Norwegians and their guests have a party in the Games room , and as they're dance , drinking and singing , and strumming away , Jameson has
"Hi VeYa  Heya To Die Von by Von !"
to hit the Loo . On the way back , he can't resist but take a peek at the Thing , melting away in the back room ! (Tisk Tisk !) He get the scare of his life , as The Thing literally explodes out of the block of ice and blows out the roof of the building !!
   From here on in , You know the story line folks ! The party is over and the gang head out into the snow to find , their historic Find , before It Finds THEM !!! And let me tell you , if You're Norwegian , and you're looking for the Thing , it's not going to go well for you ! Ola and Henrik find it lurking under one of the out buildings and the Thing shoots out a tentacle with a grappling hook on it and pulls poor Old Henrik into its body ! They torch the Thing and the building , and examine the remains , and Guess what they discover ....... Yup You guessed it Fright Fans !! The Sucker is still alive and it was duplicating old
"I said give me a hand , but
this is Ridiculous !!"
Henrik to a tee !

            Okay . So there you have it . I will not give too much away . But let me say this . If you are going to see The Thing Prequel , go to a Yoga class before hand . Sit cross legged on the floor . Clear your mind and your spirit of all thoughts of the 1982 version ( MacReady ! Oh sorry , Sorry , just slipped !) and when you are calm , and you are in control of your thoughts , and all the things in your universe align , Then go see this movie !
  If you walk in there comparing it to Carpenters , then stay home , because you will just shut yourself down . Lets not forget , There are some folks out there , Who ,
"Do you have an Advil ? I seem
to have a Splitting headache !"
Believe it or not , have Never seen the 1982 version . So give this one a chance .
  What the Prequel does do is tie in very well to Carpenters version . With the exception of one flaw (How the Alien Space Craft was uncovered in the ice field {see if You can figure it out } ) in the plot lines of the two flicks , they match up everything that MacReady and his Pals at the American base are about to find , very well . Some out there will talk special effects . Yes the 1982 version was a seminal moment in special effects history , and always will be , To Us OLD Guys ! There are a lot of kids out there today that think those old effects look , Cheesy !! ( Your Old Pals Hap , Axe , and Karl Headblaster , are NOT one of them !) Yes , I said Cheesy . So if you like CGI , then you may rate this flick
"I never took This in Paleontology Class !"
than we did . For us , the CGI at times seemed , a bit noticeable and perhaps a bit subpar . However , as I mentioned earlier , after burning the Midnight Oil , and the candle wax down here in the Dungeon , we all agreed that we weren't disappointed with this flick .
   As always Horror Hounds , we leave the final say on this one , Up To You ! Get out there . Get that bag of Buttery Bliss , and that Gallon of sugary Excess , sit down for a while , and travel back to Antarctica . They've dug up some Thing , in the snow . Some Thing Nasty .

                         And remember ..............

                                   If you're out in the sea of ice and snow with your pal .........

                                            Make sure he doesn't lose his earring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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