Super 8 (2011)

 Written By Happywax    June 2011

There is nothing Super about this movie and I'm sure as hell not giving it an 8        Rating 3 out of 10

Director - JJ Abrams

Cast

Joel Courtney  -  Joe Lamb

Ryan Lee  -  Carey

Riley Griffiths  -  Charles

Kyle Chandler  -  Jackson Lamb

Elle Fanning  -  Alice Dainard

"Oh My god !! Side Boob !!! "

Hey guys and gouls Happys back after seeing what may have been the biggest waste of time at the theatre since My soul to take,this movie is complete and utter garbage. I do not recommend seeing it. I do not recommend thinking about it. I do not recommend letting your friends see it. I do not recommend letting your worst enemy see this movie.

I sat thru this entire piece of cinematic waste wondering what I was watching. Is this a teenage nostalgia flick? Sci-fi? Mystery? Thriller? Teenage nostalgia sci-fi mystery thriller? I don't know. I don't think the people who made this movie know. And in the end, it was so bad I don't even care.

I'll admit that at first I found the writing charming. The kids had some amusing dialogue that had me laughing a few times. Then the train crashed, and it was all downhill from there. If there was supposed to be some great government conspiracy mystery surrounding the crash and its reasons, it was missing. A cookie cutter military bad guy brought nothing to the film, he created nothing! Nothing!!!!!! There was no attempt at creating mystery or suspense. Oh, wait, they showed a train car rattling and a funny little white cube. Yeah, those were really intriguing.

No they weren't.

"Oh Shit !! Moms Home ... RUN !!"

About halfway through the movie I realized how this would unfold: A few scary shots of a mysterious unseen creature (including one that had to have been in homage to the smoke monster in Lost) followed by some real shots where you actually get to see the thing, even though you couldn't care less what it is or where it's from or why it is what it is. And of course then you get the big payoff: the full monster shot. Except by then the movie is dying so badly it doesn't matter what the creature looks like, just that it can be shown so the movie can end.

And end it does. Mercifully. Stupidly. Not even ridiculously plausibly, which is a considerable feat in a movie already so bad I swore I was watching an assemblage of all the worst draft scrips ever written.

If you do find yourself moronic enough to exchange money for the "opportunity" to see this movie, stay for the credits, they show the final cut of the film the kids were working on, and believe me it's way better than the main film.  You deserve to see something entertaining after putting up with this theatric turd. And just to be an asshole im gonna post a picture of what the Monster looks like, yup i can see what all the hype was about..........   (What a Joke)

"This situation calls for my most serious face ! "