Sunday, 13 November 2011

The House By The Cemetery

Written by Axemaster on November 13 2011
Rating 5 out 0f 10

Director   -   Lucio Fulci

Catriona MacColl  -  Lucy Boyle
Paolo Malco          -   Dr. Norman Boyle
Giovanni Frezza    -   Bob Boyle
Ania Pieroni         -    Ann , The Babysitter
Silvia Collatina     -    Mae Freudstien

                          Hey there all you Ghouls of Gore ! Axemaster is in the Dungeon tonight , with a golden oldie , that is a bit Moldy ! Recently , I was given a box set of classic (and not so classic !) Horror flicks by my brother In-law . He came across it in a pile at the store . Knowing
"You're a pain in the Neck !! "
of my mania for all things Horror , he picked it up for me and gave me something to do , as the days grow steadily colder , and the dark comes earlier every evening . Thus it is , that I bring you ................
The House By The Cemetery !!! Or as it's also know ...... Zombie Hell House !!!
Here's the story line in a nut shell ...........................

 The Flick opens with a scene in a spooky old deserted house .
A woman is calling for her boyfriend Steven , who brought her there for some Nooky !! (That Rascal ! ) As you may expect , she finds that Steven has been brutally murdered and as she is screaming her head off , someone stabs her
"I've got something stuck in my throat !"
in the back of the head with a kitchen knife , and drags her body off to the cellar ! HHmm ! Shocking opening !
  Flash to New York , where the Boyle family is planning to move to a new home in New England . The House is , er , Yup , You Guessed it Fright Fans ... Right by The Cemetery !! (In the woods no less ! What's wrong with some people !) The plan is for Dr. Norman Boyle to spend six months in the house , to finish up his research project on , well , Old Houses ! Boy did he pick a good one ! His son little Bob Boyle , has begun to see a ghostly friend that only he can see . A young girl he first sees in a photo of the house they are moving to . She warns him not to go . The next time Bob sees her is in New Whitby ,
"I can't seem to get A Head !"
Boston where his Mom and Dad have stopped at the real estate agents to pick up the keys to their Horror Chalet ! So much for not going eh Bob !? Bob talks to the girl and finds out her name is Mae . She tells him again not to go there , but hey , he's like eight right , so he's going ! The real estate agent gives them the keys to " Oak Mansion" and away they go . the place is a mess of course , and they find that the door to the cellar is both locked , and nailed shut ! Hhmm ? The next day , a strange chick shows up and introduces herself as Ann The babysitter ! Okay Ann , You're hired !! Back ground check , Naahhh ! It's the 1970's and we trust everyone !!!
"I've had a Hell of a Day !"
  At this point , your old Pals Hap and Axe began to snicker and
giggle their way through this flick . For instance , the sound effects guys seemed to like to make the approaching foot steps in the house sound as though there was an elephant walking in there or something ! Every scene seemed to have these hugely loud foot steps , and over loud creaky boards or door sounds in them ! The flick has a scene in it involving a Bat . First it goes after Mrs. Boyle , then it attacks Dr. Boyle ! I won't ruin it for you , but Hap and I were Rolling on the floor Laughing at that one !  Also annoying was this sort of mewling ghost noise that sounded like children crying , that seemed to drift through the house when ever the camera panned around , yet the Boyles never seemed to hear this ! (Lucky Them !) Fulci borrowed heavily from The Amityville Horror and other popular flicks of the times to put some scares into this less than memorable flick , but it just doesn't seem to get Scary ! It gets
"Silly Hippie ! See ! Yogurt won't
Give You Supper strength ! Only Meat Will !"
easier to make fun of , and Giggle at !
  The only reason I don't list this one as  a "Stinker" is because of the Gore in the flick . They didn't call old Lucio Fulci "The Godfather of Gore" for nothing . The flick delivers for you Gore Ghouls out there ! Although even the murder scenes are laughable , as the victims just stand or lie there as the killer keeps on carving them up ! Also the Zombie in this particular Hell House is pretty creepy looking . Hey , He'd scare me if he shambled into the Dungeon right now !
   Oh well , the flick proves that even the "masters" of Horror can have an off day at the office .
But don't take my word for it Fright Fans !! Decide for yourselves what causes your hair to stand on end , and the goose flesh to crawl up your spines !

                           Until we meet again , in the darker places ..................

                                          Stay Scared !!!! 

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