Friday, 30 September 2011

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

Written by Axemaster September 30 2011
Rating 8 out of 10

Director   -   Sam Raimi

Alison Lohman   -   Christine Brown
Justin Long        -    Clay Dalton
Lorna Raver      -    Sylvia Ganush
Dileep Rao       -     Rham Jas
David Paymer  -     Mr. Jacks

                              Hey there all you Hellacious Horror Hounds !!
 Axemasters back from holidays , and I've dug up a real treat in the dungeon for you tonight !.......... Drag Me To Hell !!!! Bbrrrrrr  !!
This one is from master Raimi and is a nod to the Evil Dead flicks for sure ! Almost like he made it to keep us hoping that by the time he gets around to making Evil Dead 4 , his old pal Bruce will still look good with his shirt torn half off !!
"We told you to stop Picking it !!!"
   Here's the story line in a nut shell .....................

     The flick opens with a scene from 1969 . A car pulls up to an old
mansion (Picture the Munsters or the Adams Family !) and a hispanic couple take their son in to see the resident , Shaun San Dena . She is a powerful psychic , and they are hoping that she can help their son . Its seems the little bugger stole a silver necklace from a Gypsy wagon , and they put a curse on him !! ( Crime never pays kids ! And Gypsies no less !! Good Lord !) They bring him into the house and Shaun San Dena prepares to do battle with the spirit that has claimed the little Klepto's soul !
"Lucky 7's !! This is gonna be my night !"
    However , Shaun San Dena is unprepared for the power of this demon , and in a grippingly gruesome scene , our young sticky fingered friend , is , Yup You Guessed it !! Dragged screaming to HELL !!! Jeeze !! What an intro !!
   Flash forward to the present time . Lovely Christine Brown is driving to work at the bank , practicing her diction , and dreaming of being promoted to Assistant Manager of her branch . The spot is open , and she's tired of being just a loan officer . She wants to prove that she's got what it takes . She gets to work and asks her boss Mr. Jacks about the position . To her dismay , he tells her that the spot is still open , but newcomer Stu Rubin is in competition for the post with her ! Its seems that Old Stu isn't afraid to "Make Tough Decisions" . Which apparently Mr. Jacks is implying , She Is !! Christine assures Mr. Jacks that she too can make the tough
"I eat Loan Officers for lunch !! "
decisions , and sets out to prove it to her boss . This is when we meet Sylvia Ganush ! ( Bbrrrrr !! ) Christine has gone for her lunch and met her boyfriend Clay , who works at the University , and on the way back , she has picked up Mr. Jacks and Stu's lunches ! ( Oh the humanity !) She's a bit pissed and more determined to prove herself . Enter Mrs. Ganush .
   Old Mrs. Ganush is a elderly Gypsy woman , who has come in for an extension on her mortgage . Her Third extension on her Mortgage to be exact !  See where we're going with this ?? Yup ! You Guessed it ! Christine decides she's going to make a tough decision right there and not grant Mrs. Ganush the extension ! ( Gulp ! You Gotta be careful with them Gypsies man !! )
    When Mrs. Ganush hears that Christine isn't going to help her out
"Clatoo!! Verata !! oops !
Wrong Flick ! Sorry !"
She creates a scene in the bank . She gets on her knees and begs Christine for the extension . Christine , retreats from the old woman who is clinging to her , pleading for mercy of the financial kind ! As Christine backs away , the old bat falls over , and Christine calls for security !! When the guards come to escort her out , Mrs. Ganush can't believe that Christine has "Shamed" her . She flips her lid and goes from Little Old Lady to caged Tiger in a flash !!! The Guards throw her out and see her into her giant old Chevy ( Ever See Evil Dead Folks !!) , and Mr. Jacks is impressed with this show of "tough Decision" making . (Figures a banker would love it when someone gets tossed out of their home !) At the end of the day , as the bank empties out ,
Christine heads down into the parking garage . As she walks towards her own car , she notices a Giant old Chevy parked on the opposite side of the parking Garage !! ( Gulp !)
"I'm feeling like a bit Under the
weather ! About six feet !"
  Christine hurries into her car and as she looks around at a strange floating handkerchief thats drifting over her trunk , she see's the ghostly
outline of Mrs. Ganush in her back seat !! (Boy She's Ugly !) The fight scene that ensues is Hilarious , and you can tell that Sam Raimi and company still love to have fun when they make horror films ! At one point , Christine floors the car and rams it into a parked car ! Mrs. Ganush , Not wearing her seat belt ( Tisk Tisk Kids ! ) smacks her face on the dash and her dentures Explode out of her mouth ! Then , as the two grapple inside the smalls vehicle , Mrs. Ganush gums Christine's chin and face ! (Yuck ! Gross !) The battle ends with Mrs. Ganush pulling Christine out of the cars , and tearing a Button off her coat !! She utters something and breathes on the button , then hands it back to a badly shaken Christine ! Mrs. Ganush tells our  cute little Loan Officer ..........................
" Do I have Onion Breath !??"
"Soon , it will be You , who comes to Me , to Beg !"
The old Bat walks off , leaving Christine in a heap . The cops arrive and later so does Clay . Clay assures her that Mrs. Ganush is just a crazy old lady , and they try to laugh things off . However , in the next day Christine begins to feel that strange things are happening to her !
She begins to see shapes in the shadows , and hear voices in the wind !
  Will our heroine find out what has befallen her !?? Will There be an answer to the strange happenings that begin to dog her every move !!??? Will Mrs. Ganush ever get that Third Dammed  Extension on her Mortgage !????? I'll Never Tell Horror Hounds !! You'll have to watch this one yourselves to get the answers !
   Drag Me To Hell is a very entertaining Horror Film . You can't really call it an out and out Horror Comedy , but as I've mentioned Master Raimi keeps it light in spots , and very Evil Dead IIish !
Lets hope he gets over the big budget stuff and puts out a real screamer again some time soon !
 Well , its getting dark Down here in the Dungeon !
 Until we meet again in the darker places  ............................

                                  Stay Scared !! 

Monday, 26 September 2011

John dies at the end

Written by Happywax    Sept 2011

Hey Kiddies , your old pal Happy got a new trailer for you to watch, Unfortunately, I have never read the novel of John dies at the end, but, I’ve been told by Axe Master  its pretty awesome. Either way, I just love whatever Don Coscarelli does, Phantasm is one of my favourite all-time movies EVER, and who doesn't Friggin Love Bubba HoTep, so I’m all over this one.

John Dies At The End stars: 
 Angus Scrimm (just having the Tall Man himself in this movie should be all the reason you'll need to watch this flick), Doug Jones, Daniel Roebuck, Glenn Turman, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown and Chase Williamson.

Synopsis: “It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly a silent otherworldly invasion is under way, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity?”

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The Dead ( 2010)

Written by Happywax   Sept 2010
Rating  8.5 out of 10

Director - The Ford Brothers

Rob Freeman - Brian Murphy
Prince David Osei - Sgt  Daniel Dembele
Ben Crowe - Mercenary Leader

Hey kiddies Happys got a treat for you tonight ,Ive watched 1000s of Horror movie in my life and every once in a while a movie comes along that makes you say WOW , and this is one of those movies. I briefly recall seeing the poster for it a while back but i'd since forgotten about it up until the other day when i took a gamble on watching it and was happy within the first 10 minutes after seeing the style and effects.

The movie is shot on 35mm film, not on digital like modern Hollywood flicks. this gives it a very classic look and feel, reminiscent of the George a Romero film like dawn of the dead in '78 and day in '80.

The zombie effects and makeup as far as I could tell used no CGI whatsoever and the gore, though not too frequent, looks great when it's on screen.

The undead are also nearly always on screen, and combined with their excellent makeup, great camera work and complete lack of unnecessary music, have a very menacing feel as they creep up on the films 2 protagonists.

The films setting is beautiful and a fantastic change from the norm's of busy city streets and urban environments. it is shot in west African locations such as Burkina Faso and Ghana, as well as the Sahara desert. it really is a breath of fresh air in the zombie movie genre.

The story is fairly simple. an American military engineer washes up on the coast of west Africa after his evacuation flight crashes. as the sole survivor he attempts to reach a northern military air field to re-attempt his escape, and runs into a soldier of the African military who is trying to find his son during the chaos.

The film does leave itself open for the possibility of a sequel and I would be more than happy to watch it if it mirrors the quality of this one, this movie is a must watch for any zombie fan, or anyone wanting to watch a refreshing take on the zombie genre, This movie is awsome !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Monday, 19 September 2011

The Thing Prequel

Written by Happywax   2011

Ok ok I can admit when Im wrong, when I first heard they were making a remake of THE THING I was stoked until I started watching some of the earlier trailers , and All I could think was "Here we go again just another shitty remake", BUT, then comes this awsome Red Band trailer and my faith in this movie is back, for now , anyways hopefully the movies going to be as Bad Ass as the Red Band trailer looks , check it out below..........

Synopsis: “Antarctica: an extraordinary continent of awesome beauty. It is also home to an isolated outpost where a discovery full of scientific possibility becomes a mission of survival when an alien is unearthed by a crew of international scientists.
The shape-shifting creature, accidentally unleashed at this marooned colony, has the ability to turn itself into a perfect replica of any living being. It can look just like you or me, but inside, it remains inhuman. In the thriller THE THING, paranoia spreads like an epidemic among a group of researchers as they’re infected, one by one, by a mystery from another planet.
Paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) has traveled to the desolate region for the expedition of her lifetime. Joining a Norwegian scientific team that has stumbled across an extraterrestrial ship buried in the ice, she discovers an organism that seems to have died in the crash eons ago. But it is about to wake up. When a simple experiment frees the alien from its frozen prison, Kate must join the crew’s pilot, Carter (Joel Edgerton), to keep it from killing them off one at a time. And in this vast, intense land, a parasite that can mimic anything it touches will pit human against human as it tries to survive and flourish.
The Thing prequel is directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr and stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Joel Edgerton, Dennis Storhøi, Trond Espen Seim, Jørgen Langhelle, Jonathan Walker, Eric Christian Olsen, Jo Adrian Haavind, Stig Henrik Hoff, Jan Gunnar Røise and Kristofer Hivju.
The Thing hits theatres on October 14, 2011

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Ichi the Killer (2001)

Written by Happywax      Sept 2010
Rating 9 out of 10

Director - Takashi Miike

Tadanobu Asano - Kakihara
Nao Ohmori - Ichi
Shin'ya Tsukamoto - Jijii
Paulyn Sun - Karen
Susumu Terajima - Suzuki
                                                   Hey kiddies Happys got a gory treat for you tonight, not to mention one of my all-time favourite Takashi Miike movies, "Ichi the Killer" is a film that requires two viewings. The first viewing you are confronted, disturbed, and confused. The second viewing is to attempt to come to terms with what you just saw. If there ever is a film that can be described as "viscereal", "Ichi the Killer" is it. No matter how much you enjoyed the film, you must admit one thing - Takashi Miike is one of the most audaciously original filmmakers out there today.

Every one of his projects is unique, whether it be the total horror of "Audition", the grotesque satire of "Visitor Q", or the surreal what-ever-it-is of "The Happiness of the Katakuris". You must admire a filmmaker who wants to so severely get a reaction from his audience, whether it be negative or positive. In his best work however, Miike never comes across a whiz kid begging for attention, even if thats what he actually is.

And than we come to this, which may just well be his finest achievement. Its difficult to describe "Ichi the Killer" and even more difficult to describe what makes it work so well. For starters, imagine "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" on PCP and far more innovative and original. Add some of the most graphic and grotesque yet still comic book violence coupled with a truly twisted sense of humor.

 This is the darkest comedy of the gallows variety. Than take the kinetic style of "Tetsuo" except with some linear storyline and characters. Mix all these and you have one of the most unique film experiences you will ever see. The film feels like a swift punch to the guts and puts all those newer "disturbing" efforts from Hollywood to absolute shame. This is a film that could never be made by a major studio in America. This is not for those seeking light entertainment, but for those who want something more out of their films. "Ichi the Killer" is very controversial even among fan  of new wave extreme Japanese cinema.

What makes all this ultimately an incredibly surreal work are the characters and their motivations. Lead gangster Kakahira is the most extreme kind of masochist imaginable and seems to be literally addicted to and unaffected by physical pain. Ichi is revealed to be the goofiest comedic character ever, yet manages to work up strength to commit brutal crimes. When these two finally meet, well all I can say is  wow!!! "Ichi the Killer" may simply be an exploitation film, but its one of the most original exploitation films ever made and probably the finest effort from the whole new wave of extreme Japanese cinema.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

The Raid

 Happywax       Sept 2011

 Hey Kiddies, Happys back in the news rooms tonight with a trailer for the upcomming movie The Raid and with it recently playing at this years TIFF during Midnight Madness, and getting rave reviews I thought now would be the perfect time to unleash this trailer of awsomness on ya!!!!   It looks freaking bad-ass,  Judging by the trailer, The Raid is a high octane, take no prisoners film, which is definitely high on violence. This one is said to hit Indonesian theatres in 2012 and Sony will be distributing this one in the States.

The film stars Iko Uwais, Joe Taslim, Pierre Gruno, Yayan Ruhian, Donny Alamsyah, Ray Sahetapy and Tegar Satrya.

Synopsis: “Deep in the heart of Jakarta’s slums lies an impenetrable safe house for the world’s most dangerous killers and gangsters. Until now, the rundown apartment block has been considered untouchable to even the bravest of police. Cloaked under the cover of pre-dawn darkness and silence, an elite swat team is tasked with raiding the safe house in order to take down the notorious drug lord that runs it. But when a chance encounter with a spotter blows their cover and news of their assault reaches the drug lord, the building’s lights are cut and all the exits blocked. Stranded on the 6th floor with no way out, the unit must fight their way through the city’s worst to survive their mission. Director Gareth Evans (Merantau) and rising martial- arts star Iko Uwais reunite in this adrenaline-fueled action film.”

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Toronto "AFTER DARK" Film Festival Oct 20-27, 2011

By Happywax      Sept 2011

Hey Kiddies, hot off the heals of the very popular FAN EXPO, comes the perfect way to bring in Halloween , The Toronto "AFTER DARK " Film Festival,  from Oct 20 thru 27 , 2011 and this years movie line up looks pretty awsome, first up:

MONSTER BRAWL - a crowd-pleasing horror action comedy about an outrageous sporting event that sees fan favourites duelling it out to see who is the greatest monster of all!

FathersDay -  the much-awaited Troma Entertainment cult exploitation film, about a group of misfits trying to hunt down a twisted serial killer, will hold its WORLD PREMIERE at the festival!

Exit Humanity - Zombie fans can look forward to this awsome flick which  blends stunning live action and animated sequences to recount the tale of a soldier coping with a deadly zombie outbreak during the American Civil War

Dead Heads - the hysterical  zombie buddy comedy about two undead fellows on a madcap road trip  adventure!

The Divide -  sees co-stars Michael Biehn and Milo Ventimiglia dueling it out as survivors trapped in the basement of a New York building, the day the world ends.

Love -  Meanwhile on the International Space Station, this absolutely stunning film  has an astronaut coming to terms with an apocalyptic event on earth and features a fantastic original score composed by the band ANGELS & AIRWAVES.

Red Line - is a must-see thrill ride of pulsating Japanese animation, seven years in the making, set in the distant future on a planet where an insanely deadly race takes place.

The Theatre Bizarre -
 is an unmissable new anthology film featuring seven twisted horror tales incorporating the talents of numerous cult horror icons including Tom Savini and Udo Kier. 


This festival is definatly not to be missed, and for all your tickets and other up coming events surrounding the AFTER DARK festival, including the TORONTO ZOMBIE WALK , just hit the link I've provided below

Beetlejuice Sequel

By Happywax      Sept 2011

 Hey Kiddies I don't know about you but I'm stoked about this news, rumours of a Beetlejuice sequel have been swirling around for years, it almost feels like an urban legend but all that ends today as we have some concrete news on the proposed sequel.
According to, KatzSmith Productions partners David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith have just signed a two-year first-look producing deal over at Warner Bros. and one of the features just happens to be the Beetlejuice sequel.

Not only will they be producing, but it is said that Seth Grahame-Smith will be writing the sequel, they have noted it will not be a remake, but, instead a reboot advancing on the original story.
No word of casting or a director at the moment so its unsure if Michael Keaton would reprise his role of ‘Beetlejuice’ but, this is the first concrete news we’ve had in years, and I for one cannot waite, Today is a Good Day !!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Apollo 18 (2011)

Written by Happywax   Sept 2011
Rating  1 out of 10

Director - Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego

Warren Christie
Lloyd Owen
Ryan Robbins

Hey guys Happywax here and I just got back from seeing one of the worst movies I think I have ever seen, listen I own 3 dogs so I've seen my Fair share of steaming piles of shit, so trust me when i say this movie is a STINKER . Instead of using the phrase " There's a reason we've never gone back to the moon" , They should have used "In space no one can hear you yawn". Apollo 18‘s biggest sin isn’t the really awful, ridiculous monsters or the terrible science (there is full gravity inside the lunar lander while on the Moon). The movie is boring as hell, an endurance challenge for even the most forgiving audience. The film, simply, is a snore.
Yet another found footage movie, Apollo 18 claims to be leaked footage from a secret Moon mission. The three astronauts on the mission think they’re placing early warning nuclear listening stations, but they’re really guinea pigs. They land at the Moon’s south pole and quickly discover the Russians have already been there – and the Russians are dead.

What then should be an escalating series of scares and anxiety becomes a slowly deflating bore. The aliens they find on the surface of the Moon are pretty lame, and in order to fill out the movie to feature length one of the astronauts gets infected by them and goes crazy. Or something. By the time this happens your eyes will have glazed over and you’ll be essentially unable to give a shit about anything going on onscreen.
Apollo 18 tries many of the Paranormal Activity tricks, including an annoying low throbbing hum, but none of it works. The film is flaccid, with even the jump scares being so telegraphed that they barely register. The only tension in the movie is the audience trying to figure out the running time.

One of the film’s worst mistakes is being found footage in the first place; this story makes no sense for the style, and Apollo 18 might have had a chance to work had the film been a standard narrative. In a movie like that traditional filmmaking techniques could have created atmosphere and dread, but as a found footage film the movie is not only laughably unlikely, it’s lifeless.


I would say that Apollo 18 is one of the worst movies of the year, but I know that I’m going to completely forget it even existed after this weekend. It’s the hangnail of movies – annoying while you’re dealing with it but eventually something that has zero impact on you. I had a feeling this movie was going to suck ass after watching the trailers for it, cause you know if the trailers are shit the movie is going to be just as crappy, ( OH NO , if this is true than THE THING prequel has NOOOO CHANCE AT ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  )

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Grave Encounters (2011)

Written by Axemaster September 3 2011
Rating 8 out of 10

Director   -   The Vicious Brothers

Sean Rogerson    -    Lance Preston
Juan Riedinger    -    Matt White
Ashleigh Gryzko  -  Sasha Parker
Mackenzie Grey  -   Huston Grey
Merwin Mondesir  -  T.C. Gibson

                             Hey there all you Fright freaks ! Axemasters back in the Dungeon tonight with the latest Indie Fright Flick For Ya ! .............
Grave Encounters !! Have you ever wanted to explore that old abandoned Insane Asylum that just happens to be hidden in your home town ?? Well it just so happens , that your old pals , Hap And Axe Have Always wanted to !! ( Yes I serious folks ! We really do have an Abandoned Insane Asylum in our town !! ) We haven't done it yet , as the whole place is fenced off . Time is running out as well . Its slated to be demolished in the next couple years !! So if we do decide to go "Over The wall" ! ............
"Yeah , We Bad ! We Bad !!"
Its got to be soon ! However , I have to admit , after watching this flick we might have second thoughts ! Here's the story line in a nut shell... ..................................

              The Flick begins with a scene from a current documentary . The host explains that , back  a few years before the big "Reality TV" craze that is now all the rage , there was one show , that pioneered the genre ............. Grave Encounters !! He explains that , what you are about to see , is actual footage , and hasn't been edited in any way ! ( I know , blare Witch and many others , but bare with me !) Grave Encounters had aired four episodes already , and the shows host , Lance Preston , longed to bring
"Paging Nurse Ratchett !"
to the viewers out there in TV land , proof of the supernatural on film ! His desire to do so was fueled by an eerie encounter he had early in life ! So , for their fifth episode , Lance and the gang procured permission to not only film an episode , but spend an entire night (Bbrrrrrr !!!) in the nations most notoriously haunted , Abandoned Mental Asylum .... Collingwood Psychiatric Hospital !
The footage starts outside the hospital itself , as Lance and the crew are doing exterior shots and some back ground on the history of the Hospital . Lance interviews the Doltish Caretaker of the place , who seems to be on edge the entire time of course . The care taker tells of one Doctor in the Hospitals past who was famous for performing lobotomies ! In fact , this guy apparently broke the World Lobotomy record back in the day ! Hell , he'd likely perform them at the staff Christmas party !!! Well , he was the
"Is my Eyeliner running ??"
darling of the psychiatric world for it at the time , but the patients , well , they weren't that happy with this guy ! They rose up , and killed old Dr. Lobotomy , right there in the Hospital ! The Caretaker goes on to tell lance and the gang of a few more Creepy things . He shows them a window on one of the upper floors , that , no matter how many times he closes the latch , he'll come back in the morning , and Yup ! You Guessed it , That old window is open again !!! He also takes them through one of the old bathrooms . It looks like an old shower area , with a few claw foot tubs in it ! The tubs and a lot of the plumbing has been disconnected . He shows them one tub , in which he says , a female patient killed herself by cutting open her wrists ! The caretaker tells lance that on several occasions , he's heard the sound of running water , and splashing noises coming from this room , while he was down the hall !
"Ah yes ! Tooth Decay !
Time for a Lobotomy !!"
Lance and the crew film everything , even of course , them just talking , and messing around . So we see that Grave Encounters isn't always .... Truthful Encounters ! Enter Psychic , Huston Grey ! This guy is the Grave Encounters spirit talker . He "Feels" many unhappy spirits floating around the place , so he says for the camera . But in between takes that will make the show , it becomes apparent that the crew , are just going through the motions . Meaning , they don't really believe that there is anything out of the ordinary with the old place . Matt , one of the Camera guys sets up remote night vision cameras all over the place (Of course he does !) and they settle in for the night ! The Caretaker gets the hell out of there , ( Do You Blame Him !??)  locking them in for the night ! ( Of Their Lives !)
"Ouch ! I Bit My Tongue !!"
   Will Lance and the Gang play Gin Rummy undisturbed for the night ?? Or will Lance finally get the proof he wants so desperately to find ?? Will they find out the Truth about Collingwoods strange sightings and Paranormal events !!?????/
 I'll never tell !! You've got to watch to find out from here !!
Some of you may be thinking , "Oh No , Not another shaky video camera flick , where nothing really happens !!" I had the same thought pass through my head as I sat down to watch this one . I think the Vicious Brothers must have had that thought too , because they do a good job of blending the video cam thing , with an actual movie with special effects and the works ! At times I was reminded heavily of watching old episodes of "The Twilight Zone" as a kid . I know the whole "Haunted Hospital" thing has been done to death , but give this one a try Fright Fans , you might like the tale that is told in the Dark halls of Collingwood Psychiatric Hospital .
    Well , the lights are growing Dim down here in the Dungeon .

        Its time for me to go , back to the more lighted places .............

             Because you always have to remember .............

                   To mock the spirits ............

                         Is To Tempt their Wrath !!!!!