Priest (2011)

Written by Axemaster and Happywax May 22 2011
Rating 6.5 out of 10

Director   -   Scott Charles Stewart

Cast 
Paul Bettany - Priest
Karl Urban - Black Hat
Cam Gigandet - Hicks
Maggie Q - Priestess
Brad Dourif - Salesman
Christopher Plummer - Monsignor
                                     Orelas

"Oh Brakes ! I thought you said Cakes !!"

 Howdy there all you Vicarious Vampire fans!  Ax and Hap are back in the dungeon tonight with a special bloodsucking review for you.......Priest!  It's not very often that Hap and Ax disagree on a movie rating, but this one took a bit of time.  In the end we were only just off by half a point on it.  Here's the story line in a nutshell.....

"I'm not shoveling Shit for anybody !!"

 The war that waged between vampires and humans is over, the humans have won because the Priests are super human warriors (the dumbasses destroyed the entire planet in the process turning it into a total wasteland).  So naturally after the war the Priests went to work as Waste treatment technicians and vending machine repairmen.  However the darkness has not yet past as on a lonely outpost on the edge of the wasteland a family of settlers is attacked by a very hungry horde of bloodsucking vermin.  The bloodsuckers kill the Mother, wound the Father and kidnap the Daughter taking her hostage (it's all part of their grand scheme to lure all of the Priests out of Priest Town)!  Black Hat who was once a Priest but has turned and is now the first Human Vampire created by the Queen, is amassing an army in secret. Taking them via train through all of the small outposts in the wastelands killing all in their wake.  Enter Priest, he's been doing odd jobs because nobody would hire him on and it just so happens that it was his family that were attacked, and his niece that was kidnapped.  Naturally, he's pissed!  He goes before the high council of Clergy to ask permission to have his position reinstated in the service of the Priesthood to serve up some asskicking awesomeness.  After being shot down by Monsignor Plummer he decides to decides to risk ex-communication from the order to take on the bloodsuckers singlehandedly.  He's is joined in his battle by Hicks (who is secretly in love with his niece, and who is a Sheriff in a small outpost town).

"Go Ahead ...., Do Feel Lucky Punk !"

 Director Scott Charles Stewart captures a certain dark mood with Priest as the cinematography and scenes from the wasteland are quite realistic and surreal (everything from desert vistas to strange jagged terrain and ruins of modern cities).  The action sequences and fight scenes are plentiful and there is a Mad Maxesque feeling to the film.  Also thrown in is a pinch of Spaghetti Western, Sci-Fi giving Priest it's own unique feel.  The CGI Vampires were an acquired taste, this is however based on a graphic novel so it's expected that it would be over the top.  Perhaps this is where the film struggles to bring the awesomeness of a graphic novel to life on screen, many movies have tried yet only a few have succeeded.  All in all Priest was an entertaining ride so long as you can get past the over the top fight scenes, and the less than stellar over CGI'd vampires then you've got a pretty good movie.  Definitely worth the Tuesday price of admission.

"Hey , Why's this flick in 3d anyway !!?