Happys Horror Shorts

So earlier today your old pal Happy posted a review on Return of the Living Dead 4, this movie was so bad it made me feel like I should carve out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon, thank goodness my son ( Happywax Jr) saved me from my eyeball plucking demise by suggesting I watch some funny horror spoofs to help ease my pain from the torture I had to endure this morning, well let me tell ya, it worked, this annoying orange character is hilarious, so i've posted a couple of links below for you to check out, and hopefully it puts a bloody smile on your face like it did your old pal Happywax, let me know what you think.

Staunton Hill (2009)

Written by Axemaster on April 22 2011
Rating 3 out of 10

Director   -   Cameron Romero

Cast
Kathy Lamkin    -    Louise Staunton
Cristen Coppen  -    Jordan
Kiko Ellsworth   -   Boone
B. J. Hendricks  -    Buddy
David Rountree  -   Cole


  Hey there all you Dread Drinkers !! The Axemasters back in the dungeon tonight with another flick for you !!
WARNING !!! Sometimes being a reviewer of Fright Flicks isn't all Popcorn , terror and screaming in dimly lit screening rooms , running for the door because one more second of Horror with a capital "H" ( as you notice ) will make your eyeballs bleed and your bladder sqirt like a sprinkler system !!
 Nope !
Sometimes , .... its like ...... Staunton Hill .
 Yup ......... here's the story line in a nut shell .
Its 1969 , (this is supposed to make the film scarier , more classic perhaps !) and Jordan and 4 friends are thumbing it to D.C. for the next big protest rally . They meet up with Quintin (Charlie Bodin) at a gas station / junkyard , that looks like it could be run by Leatherfaces uncle (notice the chainsaw reference hint , hint ! ) . Quintin , a seemingly nice guy , offers them a ride , saying he too is heading for the next big protest and our hapless gang of happy hippies hurry headlong into horror !! (ha ha sorry , gotta bust a rhyme to make remembering this less painful!) Well Quintons truck breaks down (didn't see that coming)

in the middle of nowhere ! (of course) The gang then decide to hike through the woods near dark to get help , and end up stumbling upon (drum roll please !) a creepy farm in the woods !!!!  No , I'm serious !!
Really , they do !! And they get to the farm and use the phone to call a tow truck . The End .......... unfortunately for yours truly , and anyone else who watched this film , thats not what happened .

I'm not dressed for company !!

 At the farm the hippies sleep for a night in the stalls of the barn , because the place seems deserted . In the morning however , they meet , Buddy Staunton . Buddy is a hulking slightly mentally handicapped , facially scarred Weirdo , who mumbles incoherently about his "Mama" and plays with old dolls in the slaughter house behind the barn that our hippies are sleeping in . No , I'm not making this up , its true . So Leatherface .. er Ahh ! I mean Buddy , gets in trouble from his Mama (who seems just as sweet as pie ) for breaking one of the hippies noses with a shovel ! (Whoa ! Peace man Peace !!)
  All is not as it seems at this ideal country spa however and soon , alas our innocent bright eyed granola eaters , the next demonstration to save the future so tantalizingly close , begin to realize , the Stauntons , have no Love in their hearts !!

Cam Romero can't seem to "get a leg up" with this flick !

  Director Cameron Romero , (yes thats Romero , and yes he is Goerge A.'s son ! ) couldn't have strung together a more predictable , transparent , over done plot if he tried . I mean JESUS CHRIST !! Your Fricken George A " The Godfather of The Dead" Romeros Kid !! Call pop for some pointers if you're having some writers block !!
 Okay ! Okay .... sorry . Got a bit carried away there !! But my old pal Happywax and I watched this flick with high hopes , based solely on lineage of directors here . The film has some good gore scenes , but its tired stuff . As I've said in the past ...... it is a daunting task to come up with original horror flicks and I haven't done so myself , I only review them . So I wish Cam all the best for his next project .(and no hard feelings if you happen to read this !!) Rest assured , I shall watch his next film with open mind and bated breath , ready to Scream into the darkness of the night at a moments notice !!
 Well Fright Fans , until we meet in the gloom again ......Remember .........


         If you're going to D.C. for the next big rally ...............Take the Greyhound !! 

Return of the Living Dead 4 Necropolis (2005) Or should I say NeCRAPolis

  Written by Happywax on April 22, 2011
  Rating 2 out of 10

 Director   -   Ellory Elkayem 

 Cast
 Aimme-Lynn Chadwick   -   Becky
 Cory Hardrict                  -   Cody
 John Keefe                      -   Julian Garrison
 Jana Kramer                    -   Katie Williams
 Peter Coyote                   -   Uncle Charles

         THIS is what we waited for? THIS movie was even worse than the second one. I can't believe how bad this was! It's not funny, it's not scary, it's not even "so bad it's good", it's just "so bad it's really bad"...

We are talking about some grade-z bad direction, I'm not sure what was worse: watching everyone don mining helmets to explore a research facility or watching 2 of the characters test their walkie-talkies while standing five feet apart in the same shot! No wait, the worst was the fistfight  between the zombie and the human...or any scene with the girl in pigtails. Speaking of the characters, this movie has the most unlikable group of (horrible) actors you could possibly imagine. Most of them seem to think they are in a high-school play and overact accordingly, with ridiculously exaggerated expressions of (insert emotion here). The others can barely muster up enough inflection in their voices to break past monotone...and when they do, it's only at the end of the line, so everything they say sounds like a question

With this film, there just isn't anything to speak highly about. Originally, I gave this film a rating of "1" but changed it to a "2" after seeing part 5. I didn't think it possible, but part 5 is worse than this one. As a matter of fact, the only positive thing I can say about this film is that it is slightly more bearable than part 5 and I guess that's worth something. Im not even going to do a review on part five its just that bad, How the hell can the producers and directors sit in a board room and say " yup we got a winner here" . There's 90 mins i'll never get back. I'm not even gonna put a trailer up for this piece of shit, NO ONE should see this movie, you've been warned!!!

Boy eats Girl (2005)

  Written by Happywax on April 22, 2011
  Rating 7 out of 10

 Director   -   Stephen Bradley

 Cast
 Samantha Mumba   -   Jessica
 David Leon   -   Nathan
 Tadhg Murphy   -   Diggs
 laurence Kinlan   -   Henry
 Sarha James   -   Cheryl

"Boy Eats Girl" is an Irish-made romantic zombie comedy ("RomZomCom?") about a high schooler who, when he thinks he's lost the girl of his dreams, commits suicide ... only to end up becoming Patient Zero of a zombie outbreak thanks to his well meaning but misguided mother, who resurrects him from the dead with the help of a voodoo spell book. After reading that description, I'm sure those of you who are looking for a serious zombie movie are already going to look for something else. For those who are still reading, "Boy Eats Girl" was a hilarious horror/comedy treat with -- gasp! -- a sweet side!!

As the film begins, our high school hero Nathan has already got enough problems -- being bullied by the jocks, abused on the rugby field - but when he accidentally misses a chance to tell his long time friend Jessica how he really feels about her, he goes home and hangs himself. Re-awakening the next morning after a last minute "rescue" by his mother, Nathan begins to notice some, errrr, "changes" in his body, chief among them the urge to munch on human flesh. Turns out Mom used a voodoo spell book "borrowed" from the local church to bring Nathan back from the dead... but there was a page missing from the book so she accidentally left out a step. Whoops. Nathan is able to contain his, errr, "appetite" for only so long, until he finally takes a bite out of one of his high school tormentors at a school dance. This, of course, is a bad idea. His victim goes on to bite some people, who then go on to bite some more people, who go on to bite even MORE people, until sure enough, his quaint little Irish village is being overrun by zombies. Even though he may be one of the Undead now, Nathan still doesn't want anything to happen to his beloved Jessica, so he and his two doofus friends race to her family's home to rescue her just before the horde of undead descends upon the place. Hilariously over-the-top mayhem ensues.

It takes a little while for the zombie shenanigans to really get going in "Boy Eats Girl" but once it does I doubt any gorehound will be disappointed. (The scene where Jessica charges into the horde on her father's farm machine is friggin' EPIC!) From then on, the blood and guts, as well as the one liners, come fast and furious. I've had this movie in my collection for a long time and i'm kicking myself in the ass for not seeing it sooner, so if its sitting on your maybe pile, take this diamond in the ruff and move it over to your must watch pile, you won't be dissapointed, check out the trailer :

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)

 Written by Happywax on April 22 2011

 Rating  7/12  out of 10

 Diretor   -   Brian Yuzna

 Cast

 Kent McCord          -   Colonel John
                                      Reynolds

 Melinda Clarke         -   Julie Walker

 J. Trevor Edmonds   -   Curt Reynolds

 Billy Cane                -   Sentry

 Mike Moroff            -   Santos 

Curt, a GenXer army brat, is madly in love with Julie, a Gothy punk girl with a fascination for the morbid. In order to impress her, Curt swipes his dads clearance card and the two lovebirds sneak into the high security testing facilities of the military base. Curt's dad, a high ranking military official, is involved in some pretty sick experiments which center around the reanimating powers of the chemical known as 245 Trioxin. After witnessing a gruesome resurrection, Curt and Julie flee, have sex and find out that Curt's dad is being transferred. Rather than be torn asunder, the two run away together. But a terrible motorcycle accident cuts their plans - and Julie's life - short. Now it's back to the base to reanimate his beloved, but even though the resurrected Julie seems normal, it's only a matter of time before her dead body rots, and her human emotions are replaced with an insatiable hunger for living human brains.

This third installment in the ROTLD series avoids the campy black comedy of the first film, and the utter stupidity of the second. It falls somewhere right smack between the two and ends up being halfway decent. There's some great scenes of cutting, scarification and body mutilation as Julie discovers that self inflicted pain can temporarily curb her nasty appetite. Whether or not this was an intentional comment on the habits of GenX teens to mutilate themselves to curb feelings of depression, I don't know, but it's quite effective and, considering that this came out in 1993, rather timely as well. Julie ends up resembling a Cenobite rather than a zombie, decked out in leather, chains and broken glass, but I'm not complaining. There's a LOT of gore, most of which takes place in the military labs as zombies are fitted with harnesses, lobotomized with power drills, held together with metal exoskeletons and, in general, end up resembling an S&M orgy gone horribly wrong. It's pretty nasty, graphic stuff, but the zombies themselves are pretty cool looking, especially one who ends up looking like a freaky, bipedal giraffe.

 Thanks god Brian Yuzna decided to take the the series in a different direction, after watching the pile of crap they called part 2 I had given up all hope, but really this is the man who brought us Re-animater, so you just know its gonna be good, and gory, no need to stick your head in a barrel of acid after watching this gem. Check out the trailer:   

                                                                                           

Primal (2010)

Written by Axemaster April 20th 2011

Rating 6 out of 10

Director   -   Josh Reed 

Cast 

Zoe Tuckwell-Smith   -   Anja

Krew Boylan              -    Mel

Lindsay Farris             -    Chad

Rebekah Foord           -    Kris

Damien Freeleagus     -    Warren

Will Traval                 -     Dace 

  Hey there all you Creature Feature Freaks ! Axemaster here with a strange tale from the Land Down Under !! (poot aahhnutha Shreemp on the Baahbie !! ) Director josh Reed brings us this story of strange happenings in the Outback of Austrailia . Here it is in a nut shell ..........

Every Dentists nightmare !

  Anja and four friends tag along with Dace , an Anthropology student , to go and see some ancient stone paintings in the outback (yawn) . The paintings haven't been seen in hundreds of years and are a real big find (double yawn ) ! Are you getting the gist here !!?? We have a group of young people headed into the woods , to a remote part of the country , all on their own and cut off from anywhere !! Hhmmmm !
Sounds like .... sounds kinda , .... have I seen this somewhere before?? !??

Does my breath smell like onions !?

Sure I have !! And so have you faithful fright freaks !! But thats okay , its still pretty good . Anyway . Anja and the gang have to go through a strange tunnel like cave to get to the valley on the other side . Thats where the ancient stone paintings (yawn) are ! The cave houses a very strange secret that is contaminating the soil and waters of the valley beyond with , well , I don't know really , Primal rabies or something !! Anja can't make it through the tunnel because she's chicken and drives the suv around !  Mel (seen in the caption to the left ) decides to take a skinny dip (god bless her !) in the lake near camp . However this lake is contaminated with an eerie oil slick that slides by the surface of the water every time someone's head is turned in the other direction . Mel gets covered in contaminated leaches and gets quite sick !! In fact , she turns , well , she turns into a raving  psychopathic cannibal actually !! With a killer screech ! And , as you see from her picture here , a serious need for Oxyclean !! (Spray&Wash in a pinch !!) Anyway , Mel develops a taste for her former travel companions and begins to hunt them down !(Yup you guessed it !! One by One !!)
  Director Josh Reed brings us a pretty neat little horror flick with Primal . The story is different , in that we're not talking crazy hillbillies or outback nut jobs here . The gore in Mel's hunting scenes is Bloody good , to tell the truth ! (torso ripping feeding frenzy scenes and the like !!) If anything , its a bit run of the mill . I also found that it seemed a bit disjointed . Like Reed had a lot of cool idea's but couldn't tie them all together neatly and explain some stuff . Don't get me wrong , I don't need or like EVERYTHING explained for me . That is really quite boring . However , I was left wondering about the cave dweller and the pregnancy scene , and the oil slick and  how it all came to be ! But hey , I only review em folks ! I've never made one !  So you be the judge , and decide for yourselves !
  And remember ....... If your friends want to take you out into the woods in the middle of nowhere in an suv for a camping trip near a strange lake ....Pray Dear God !!  Pray !!!! Pray that all the girls go Skinny Dipping !!!! 


 Until we meet again Fright Fans !!        Axemaster Out !

Return of the Living Dead Part 2 (1988)

Written by Happywax on April 20 2011

 Rating 4 1/2 out of 10

 Director   -   Ken Wiederhorn

 Cast
 Michael Kenworthy   -   Jesse Wilson
 Thor Van Lingen       -   Billy Crowley
 Jason Hogan             -   Johnny
 James Karen             -   Ed
 Thom Mathews         -   Joey


"HEY, Ken Wiederhorn I have a question for you, about this movie you wrote and directed, WHAT THE F**K WHERE YOU THINKING" , ok , now that I have that out of my system let me continue by ripping this movie apart.
This sequel to one of the most entertaining, hilarious and engaging horror-comedies of all time is a staggering disappointment. Gone is the tension, the sly humour, the wonderfully camp performances and cracking dialogue. Instead, we have a relentlessly tiresome chase movie that offers absolutely no horror at all, only incompetent bufoonery, shrill acting and no atmosphere.

Those nasty tanks filled with zombies are let loose again, this time by a wasted truck driver who doesn't realise that the supplies he's carrying in the back of his vehicle have flown off and into a nearby sewer. Three kids, two of whom are odious bullies, the other a weakling who gets forced to tag along, discover the stray tank and accidentally release another of those ghastly 'tar-men', not to mention a potent spree of toxic gas, which results in yet another cemetery's worth of dead bodies coming back to life. The wimpy child, his older sister and some cable-repair kid must escape from the undead menace, and as a result bump into a couple of gravediggers who have accidentally inhaled the toxic gas and are slowly turning into zombies. The only interesting thing about this sequel is that these two grave diggers are played by James Karen and Thom Matthews, who played those similarly ill-fated characters Frank and Freddy in the first film. Despite the fact that neither character made it to the end of the original, both actors are back in new roles.

This is a pretty cheap production, with the special effects failing to impress and looking pretty poor next to the original.  Ken Weiderhorn clearly doesn't know what to do with actors except let them run around screaming: Thom Matthews, who gave an amusingly dorky performance in the first film, is really wooden second time around, while his girlfriend character has to be one of the most annoying actresses I've seen in a film for a long time! Only James Karen's reliably traumatised performance guarantees amusement, a scene where he's attacked by a decapitated head is pretty funny.

So, overall, no suspense, no laughs (except for the aforementioned 'head' scene), no terror, no plot, no point. One of the worst films I've seen in ages, this is a shameful follow-up to a magnificent cult classic. Again I have to say , how could you take the sequel to one of the greatest zombie movie ever made, and absolutly butcher it, Ok im done , im gonna go soak my head in a barrel of acid now, and i bet you'll want to join me after you check the trailer out below   Happy 4: 20.

The Return of the Living Dead ( 1985 )

 Written by Happywax on April 20 2011

 Rating   9 out of 10

 Director   -   Dan O'Bannon

 Cast

 Clu Gulager              -   Burt

 James Karen            -   Frank

 Don Calf                  -   Ernie

 Thom Mathews        -   Freddie

 Beverley Randolph   -   Tina

This is one of those very rare films that combines good black humor with bloody, messy gore and does it perfectly. Where `Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' fails miserably, `Return of the Living Dead' succeeds triumphantly. It takes a tired plot (zombies eat teenagers) and makes it new again. The teenagers here are not faceless, stupid, oversexed victims at all. They are misfits and outsiders, the kind of kids who probably go to horror movies every day and make fun of the faceless, stupid, oversexed victims who populated the majority of the slasher films made in the 1980s. The nihilistic punk rock teens can identify with the zombies, and even though it is their ultimate fate to be consumed by them, you like them, you want them to survive and you're sorry to see them go even though the zombies are every bit as cool.

Long before `28 Days Later' appeared, `Return of the Living Dead' presented us with FAST zombies, zombies who could run, jump and work together like a football team, tackling people and making it a group effort to tear their victims apart. There are very few slow, shuffling monsters here; these are zombies to contend with. They talk, they think, they problem solve. Who could ever forget the Tar Man (my personal favorite) rigging up a device to tear down the metal closet doors, behind which our heroine has locked herself?

The adult characters in this film are no less interesting than the teenagers. James Karen is absolutely hysterical in his role as a medical warehouse manager, whose bumbling irresponsibility leads to the zombies being unleashed. Clu Gulager is a stressed out corporate jerk who will do anything to save the name and reputation of the warehouse he owns. And Don Calfa is excellent as the slightly shady mortician who may or may not be an ex-Nazi. The mismatched cast really comes together and forms a bond here, fighting back and growing more desperate as the zombies grow stronger. This film never lets up, not for one minute. There are no long explanation scenes, no boring set-up, just in-your-face excitement from the very first scene. It is the perfect homage to the Romero films; there is no happy ending here, only an ironic twist which will make even the most cynical doomsayer grin. This film is already a cult classic and deserves its status. It's as close to flawless as you can get. Check out the trailer below.

Dead Silence (2007)

Written by Axemaster April 18th 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director   -   James Wan

Cast
Ryan Kwanten   -   Jamie Ashen
Amber Valletta   -   Ella Ashen
Donnie Wahlberg  -  Detective Lipton
Michael Fairmen  -  Henry Walker
Joan Henry    -    Marion Walker
Bob Gunton   -   Edward Ashen

  Hey there all you Terror Trolls !! Axemaster here with another real hair raising treat for you ! Having recently seen the latest flick by Horror's Extreme Tag Team of director James Wan and writer Leigh Whanell , Insidious ( reviewed by yours truly with ever light in the house on !! ) , I was inspired to watch this flick again ! Dead silence , well It freaks me out ! There . I said it . Dolls man ! Eeewwwwww !! I had to watch it with the blanket pulled up to my nose , the dog on the couch with me (big help she'd be , She's as much of a chicken shit as I am !! Sort of a Scooby Shaggy like picture here ain't it !) , and the car keys on the coffee table for a fast get away !!

Open wide please !!

  The story in a nut shell goes sorta like this ......
Jamie Ashen and his wife Lisa (played by Laura Regan) have moved to the big city and are building a nice life there together . One night they receive a package from their dreary home town of Ravens Fair . Of course there is no return address on it and , puzzled , the two open it up . Now me , I'd be expecting , Oh I don't know... cookies from Aunt Gurt , or a new tackle box from Cousin Sheb , but NO !! Out pops Billy the puppet !! AAAAAAGGHHHHH  !!! What the HELL !!???
Yeah that little Sucker would have been right into the fire place if it had been You or I ....... but it wasn't , was it ? No .
   So , being rather at a loss as to who may have sent this bazar gift , jamie does what any red blooded young man would do .... goes out for some take out , leaving Lisa home alone with Billy ! (Brrrrr !)
When he returns home , his life is shattered as he finds Lisa has been brutally murdered . Enter Detective Lipton (tea anyone !?) played by Donnie Wahlberg . Lipton of course zeros in on jamie as the prime suspect in his wife's murder . Jamie tells Lipton about a local legend from his home town , about a evil undead ventriloquist , that murders people by tearing out their tongues when they scream ! Lipton (tea anyone ?!) says .. "Yeah right ! Don't leave town !!" Jamie is then released for lack of evidence , and promptly skips town ( Rebel ! ) and heads back home to Ravens Fair (taking the creepy Billy with him !) , convinced that Lisa's murder is somehow connected to Billy's sudden unexplained arrival , and ... an evil ventriloquist named ................
          Mary Shaw !!

What did you call Me !!

   .........shhhhhh !! Don't say that name too loud !!
  Back in Ravens Fair , Jamie learns Mary Shaw was a real person , and that she entertained locals back in the 40's out of a creepy old theatre down on Lost Lake . (GULP !) A local boy heckled her at one of her shows , and a couple weeks later disappears forever . So the locals blamed Mary Shaw and murdered her , ..After ..... they cut her tongue out ! Jamie plays detective , while reuniting with his estranged father , Edward and his super hot stepmom Ella , while being pursued by (tea anyone ?) Lipton , and running into creepier and creepier encounters with Mary Shaw and her dolls ! For me , this flick has what it takes for a lot of good scares and creepy scene's . The story is a pretty good one and really sat with me afterwards ! It has a classic element to it . I mean , haunted theaters on deserted lakes . Old funeral homes with equally old hearses . Creepy mansions with even creepier family portraits on the walls ! And the dolls . Yuck !
  See for yourselves Fright fans !! Get that bowl of popcorn , turn off all the lights and press PLAY !!
 And remember !!!...................
       Beware the Stare of Mary Shaw ....... She had no Children .... Only DOLLS .....
   And whatever you do ......... Whatever happens .........
                                          
                                      Don't Scream !

I've fallen and for your sake I better not get up !!

The Troll Hunter ( 2010 )

Written by Happywax on April 18 2011

Rating 8 1/2 out of 10

Director   -   Andre Ovredal

 Cast  

 Otto Jesperson              -   Trolljegeren

 Hans Morten Hansen     -   Finn

 Tomas Alf Larsen          -   Kalle

 Johanna Morck             -   Johanna

 Knut Naerum                -   E-verkssjef

 Robert Stoltenberg        -   Polsk Bjornejeger

 Glenn Erland Tosterud   -   Thomas

  Recently our Viking brothers from the icey north have dipped their manely toes in the creative waters of film-making. Thats not to say they haven't before with movies about Nazi Zombies, and an evil Santa Claus. which were both awsome movies , and The Troll Hunter is no different.

  The Troll Hunter is a story that starts with a trio of young college documentarians trying figure out why there are so many bear disappearances happening. Through Carmen Sandiego-like sleuth-work they come upon a Troll Hunter - and then, the...hunt...is...on! Trolls are loose and it's now up to them to put an end to their trolly shenanigans! The film goes down the right paths, and follows a rather formulaic story-line, but with such a unique story leading the way, you're more than happy to take the voyage through troll territory.

 What at great piece of cinema mixing all the genres of how movies can be made - hand-held camera - full HD - special effects - night vision - WOW! No spoilers here. YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. Forget Blair Witch, Cloverfield  and all the other crap made about monsters, in the last little while, this is the ONLY one you need to see. It also captures the beautiful landscape and soul of Norwegian wilderness mixed together with local and national humor.The movie really held tight to the myths behind trolls, such as: being able to smell Chistian blood,and turning to stone and exploding with sun light. Never underestimate the power in the woods. You will never know what hit you unless you see a rock that looks like a face,(you'll know what I mean when you see the movie)The result is truly awesome and the timing for such an innovative film has never been better! I thought i'd never hear myself say this but move over Chuck cause here comes HANS !!!

Street Trash ( 1987)

Written by Happywax on april 16 2011

 Rating 7/12 out of 10

 Director  -  Jim Muro

 Cast

 Mike Lackey       -   Fred

 Bill Chepil            -   Bill the cop

 Jane Arakawa      -   Wendy

 Vic Noto             -    Bronsom

 Mark Sferrazza    -   Kevin

The best way to describe Street Trash is like a good Troma film, such as Frankenhooker only with excellent acting and spot on cinematography and a good script. Hard to imagine, I know… but that’s pretty much it. A bit of research on director and story writer Jim Muro revealed that he has been very active in the film business and continues to work regularly, but not as a director. This is his only directing role to date spending most of his time behind the camera or a cinematographer. This explains the visual quality of Street Trash.

 When a liquor store owner finds a case of "Viper" in his cellar, he decides to sell it to the local hobos at one dollar a bottle, unaware of its true properties. The drinks causes its consumers to melt, very messily. Two homeless lads find themselves up against the effects of the toxic brew, as well as going head to head with "Bronson" a Vietnam vet with sociopathic tendencies, and the owner of the junkyard they live in. This movie is loaded with memorable scenes of gore, The first bum meets his gory messy death while he's having a sip of the toxic drink while on the toilet, he immediatley begins to melt and accidently flushes himself down the toilet, (priceless). The decapitation scene at the end is one the best and most original i think I've ever scene, and ive seen alot trust me. Oh and did I mention the "Keep away scene" with the guys dick after it gets bitten off, or what about the cop who enjoys pukeing on criminals after he beats the crap out of them, hell theres even a great obscenity filled rip-off of Frank Sinatra's song "My Way" during the end credits that will have you laughing out load. This movie is a great example of how good an ultra low budget film can be, NO CGI or Speilberian FX ( Hey, i just made up a new word). Do yourself a favour and see this movie, trust me it is well worth the watch if you can find it.

Ebola Syndrome (1996)

Written by Axemaster April 15th 2011
Rating 5 out of 10

Director   -   Herman Yau


Cast
Anthony Wong Chau Sang  -  Ah Kai
Yeung Ming Wan                -  Yeung
Chan Miu Ying                    -  Har
Law Mong                           -  The Boss
Fui On Shing                       -  Annoyed Husband


Hey there again all you Gore Ghouls !! Axemaster's back in the Dungeon with a real Gristly meet feature for you !! Ebola Syndrome ! ... Yeah .. ahh .. what can I say about Ebola Syndrome !? Well lets start with the story in a nut shell shall we !
  Okay , The tale revolves around Ah Kai . And well ... to put it frankly ...... he is the scum of the earth !! Yes thats right ! If scum balls had a royal family , Ah Kai would be their reigning Monarch hands down . Nothing is beneath this guy ! His hobbies include , adultery , theft , rape , murder , human butchery , and masturbating in restaurant meat supplies !!(Eeeewwww god !! Really !?!) To name a few  .
  The opening scene has Ah Kai in bed shagging his Bosses wife (told you !) The Boss of course comes home catching the two red handed . The bosses wife tries to turn the tables on Ah Kai and say that he was taking advantage of her . The boss proceeds to kick Ah Kai's skinny ass all over the place and just as he's about to get castrated (yes that's castrated !!! Hey might as well start the flick bang !!) , Ah kai says he hates that they are "Bullying" him , which is definitely one of his pet peeves throughout the flick , and turns the tables on the Boss and his cousin (who was helping the Boss with the ass kicking part !) . Yeah old Ah Kai basically kills them all , in a head smashing testicle stabbing frenzy ! All of them that is , but the  Bosses young daughter Yeung ! She witnesses his crimes , and just as he's about to douse her with gas and light her on fire (told you !) he's interrupted and leaves the scene of his mass murder . He Flees Hong Kong where all this went down , and we catch up with him 10 years later in South Africa .
 He's been working for a new boss who runs a restaurant and things seem okay . However , they soon go haywire on a trip into the bush , where the new Boss and Ah Kai go to pick up cheap pork for the restaurant (eeewww) . The village is infected with , yup you guessed it ! Ebola ! This is where Ah kai himself becomes a carrier of the disease by raping an infected tribeswoman (TOLD YOU !)
  From there the plot twists and turns a lot , but Ah Kai just keeps getting scummier . The new Boss and his wife start "Bullying" him , and well , if you're ever in South Africa , don't eat the burgers at a Chinese food restaurant !! Needless to say , Where ever Ah Kai goes ....Ebola follows !
  Its obvious that director Herman Yau goes for the grossout totally with this film . Those who are looking for an Oscar winning screen play should look somewhere else ! Its the gore that makes it watchable . In fact after a while I didn't know if I was watching a horromedy (horror comedy) or and exploitomedy ( exploitation comedy) !! I found myself laughing at the outlandish crudeness , and the absurdity of scene's like the "random mouse run over by a car pulling up" scene !! Hey after 31 years of watching stuff like this I'm a bit Desensitized !! What can I say !!? Watch out parents ! This can happen to your kids too !!
 Until next time Fright fans !!........ Stay out of the shadows and in the light ....... and if you must go into the dark ........... .................... Don't go alone !

Zombie Maps on Call of Duty World at War & Black Ops

Written by Happywax on April 14 2011

Ok so its no secret that your old pal HappyWax loves his video games, and the ones i'm especially fond of are the zombie maps on Call of Duty : World at War and Black Ops, soooo what im going to due is give a history of the game and an overview of each map, theres a reason i have no life and its all due to these games so enjoy.

HISTORY

Nazi Zombies made its debut in Call of Duty: World at War as a bonus level that was unlocked upon completion of the game's campaign mode. The first zombie map released was Nacht der Untoten. A last-minute addition to the game, it was not foreseen as a significant part by Treyarch. Although all players could play it regardless of whether or not they completed the campaign, the host of the party must have unlocked it to play.

Over the first few months after the game's release, the mode became extremely popular to the point that a title update made the zombie map available to all players regardless of campaign progress. Eventually, the fan feedback asking for more zombie content would lead to the release of three new Zombie maps, Verruckt, Shi No Numa and Der Riese.

With these new maps, came new additions, from the Perk-a-Cola machines, to the Teleporters in several maps. These new maps came out with new stuff such as:

• The Perk-A-Cola machines and the Teddy Bear in Verruckt
• Imperial Japanese Zombies, Hell Hounds, the Flogger, and the Wanderwaffe DG-2 in Shi No Numa
• The Pack-a Punch Machine, the Monkey Bomb, the Bowie Knife, and Teleporters in Der Riese.

The next year, the zombie mode took to the iPhone as an app called "Call of Duty: World at War Zombies". Infinity Ward, who continued the CoD series with Modern Warfare 2, did not pursue Zombies or any other survival mode, instead inserting Spec Ops, a set of co-op challenges. Upon the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops, once again under direction of Treyarch, two zombie maps, Kino der Toten and "Five", were released (with the latter being unlocked upon completion of the campaign). Those with the Hardened or Prestige additions have access to the original four zombie maps from World at War. Continuing the inclusion of Zombies in DLC, the First Strike DLC included the next addition to the series, Ascension. The newest addition to the series will be released in the Escalation DLC under the name Call of the Dead.

Nacht der Untoten

"You drove them deep into the heart of Reich. You thought they were dead. You were wrong."

— Nacht der Untoten description

Nacht der Untoten is the first map of the Nazi Zombies campaign. It is also the smallest and simplest, there are only three rooms in this map. The Zombies in this map are less deadly than the ones in the others, as they do not reach through windows, they do not run as fast and they're the least smartest in terms of AI. This is the only map not to include perks, traps, or electricity. Because it is a last minute developer addition, this map simply acts as an introduction to the Nazi Zombies game mode and does not advance the zombie story arc. It takes various design elements from a building in the multiplayer map Airfield, the building in the map therefore earning the name "Zombie House". However, it has nothing to do with that map story-wise. The version in Black Ops features every power up including the power up icon, Cold War weapons in the Mystery Box and zombies that reach through the windows to hit the players.

Verrückt

"Electroshock therapy. Chemically engineered beverages. Hordes of Undead Nazis. Find the power to unite and send them back to their graves!"

— Verruckt description

Verrückt is the second map in the Nazi Zombies campaign. It may be based off Asylm as they share many traits. The zombies in it are much more dangerous because they can attack through windows, deal more damage and run faster. This is also the first map to include traps, perks, and Bouncing Betties, as well as the first map to require the electricity to be turned on. There are ten rooms in this map, which require 'points' to open. This is the first map where the mystery box can be destroyed by the teddy bear and reappear somewhere else. This level takes place in Wittenau Sanatorium in Berlin, Germany, and this is the only map to feature different factions. There is a German and American side, each with the faction's respective weapons. When playing with 3 or 4 players, they will be split up and have to reunite at the generator room. This map also introduces the PPSh-41, available from the Mystery Box.

Shi No Numa

"Maggot ridden corpses. Bug infested swamp. Hundreds of undead Imperial Army. Choose your tactic and defend for your lives!"

— Shi No Numa description

Shi No Numa is the third map in the Nazi Zombies campaign, even though it includes Japanese zombies instead of Nazi zombies. The max zombie running speed has been reduced from a full sprint back to the original "zombie run", possibly for difficulty reasons. There are five main buildings in this map and four unlockable swamp areas connecting these buildings. Four of the buildings contain only one room, while the main building has three (Starting Room,Warning Room and Mystery Box Spawn). This is the second map where the electricity doesn't have to be turned on. This is the only map where the perk machines spawn randomly and the second map where the mystery box can move, with a new feature: a yellow beam above the place which it has spawned. This is the only map where the players can walk outside of buildings without glitches or cheating and the first to have zombies spawn next to them. This is the only map with a Zipline, and introduces Hellhounds. It is also the first map where the identities of the players are known. Shi No Numa also introduces a new weapon, the WunderwaffeDG-2 an electricity-casting weapon that can destroy up to 10 zombies at once, in a chain reaction. This map is also the only one with the Flogger, a manually activated 'trap'. Finally, this map introduces the Nazi Zombie back-story. This is the first map not based on a map built into the game, although it takes some design cues from Makin and Knee Deep, as this level takes place in a swamp somewhere in the Pacific.

Der Riese

"The Giant is rising. Face the might of the Nazi Zombies in their heartland. This is where it all began. This is where the master plan took shape. Is this where it all ends?"

— Der Riese description

Der Riese is the fourth map in the Nazi Zombie game mode. It takes some features from the multiplayer map Nightfire. It is the first map where zombies can climb over areas and jump down from an area towards the characters. It also introduces the Pack-a-Punch machine, which for 5000 points, upgrades weapons to have increased ammo capacity, more power, high RoF, etc. It is the second map where the power is required to be switched on. Der Reise is the third map where Perk-a-Cola  machines are included, and the second where perk machines do not spawn randomly. Der Riese is the second map to contain hellhounds, which spawn about every 5 rounds. It is the first map to have teleporters, the Monkey bomb, the Bowie Knife, and the Fly Trap. It is the second map where the identity of the characters are known, and the second to advance the plot. It is the second to have a small objective, which is turning on the power and connecting the three teleporters to the mainframe to access the Pack-a-Punch machine. Der Reise also features the new "Carpenter" power-up, which boards up all opened windows in the level and award the players 200 points. It is the only map where Hellhounds spawn along side Zombies. This occurs after the third Hellhound round sometime after round 16.

Kino der Toten

"Battle the undead in this theatrical installment of "Zombies". New twists and clues could uncover the final plan. It's show time!"

— Kino der Toten description

Kino der Toten is the fifth map in the Nazi Zombie game mode, introduced in Call of Duty: Black Ops. It has almost all the features from Der Riese including the Bowie Knife,Teleporters, Pack-a-Punch Machine and Monkey bombs, although the Wunderwaffe DG-2 does not return. Instead, it introduces a new Wonder Wepon called the Thundergun. It is the first map to have purchasable modern weapons, as well as the first map to have the new 'Gas Zombies'. It is the third map to require the electricity to be turned on. After the Mystery Box has been used multiple times, a teddy bear will appear, and the box will teleport to a different room.  Quick Revive is now essential in solo play as when the player is downed, he can still revive himself, And the player will automatically get Mustang And Sally for only a few seconds, also during that time, the Zombies avoid you until you get revived, and therefore have a second chance. However, Quick Revive can only be used three times per game (in solo). The Pack-a-Punch machine now does not only increase the power of a weapon, but gives certain weapons attachments (e.g. customized dot sight, or dual mag).

Dead Ops Arcade

Dead Ops Arcade is an arcade based Zombies game in Call of Duty: Black Ops. The player can unlock this by breaking free from the chair and typing in "DOA" in the computer. By doing this, the player will also unlock the " Insert Coin" achievement for 5G and can access Dead Ops Arcade from the Zombies menu.

"Five"

"The Pentagon is under attack! Washington is going to DEFCON 1 in this installment of "Zombies"." — "Five"

"Five" is the sixth map in the Nazi Zombie game mode, introduced in Call of duty: Black Ops. It has all the features from Kino Der Toten. A new wonder weapon, the Winters Howl has been released on this map, along with the revamped Verruckt. The playable characters in this map are President John F Kennedy, Richard Nixon, Robert McNamara and Fidel Castro. New features in this map include the use of elevators, the DEFCON control system, American zombies, and the Pentagon Thief. The Thief substitutes the Hellhounds, which do not appear in the map. Also new to this map are the incomplete Electro-Shock defenses, which require one part each before being available for use. Unlike other maps featuring teleporters, this map has multiple teleporters and they can be used by zombies. It is the fourth map where the electricity is required to be turned on.

  Ascension

"The risen dead have overtaken a Soviet cosmodrome and all Hell has broken loose. The countdown to the zombie apocalypse has begun."

— Asension

Ascension was released on February 1st, as part of the First Strike map pack on Xbox 360. It takes place in an abandoned Soviet Cosmodrome. There are two new perks, Stamin-Up and PhD Flopper. Double Tap Root Beer doesn't return. Space Monkeys have replaced the Pentagon Thief and Hellhounds. There is another exclusive power up, the Bottle, which grants the player a random perk. Two new wonder weapons, the Gersch Device and the Matryoshka Dolls have also been released along with the Russian version of the Bowie Knife, the Sickle. This is the largest map to date. The four original zombie characters, Takeo, Nikolai, Dempsey, and Richtofen are back. It is the second map where players can have zombies spawn next to them. It is the only map with the Lunar Lander. It is the fifth map where the electricity is required to be turned on. This map features Russian cosmonaut, scientist, military and civilian zombies. However, gas zombies do not return. This map also advances the zombie storyline much more than the previous Black Ops map Kino Der Toten. This map includes more radios similar to the ones in Der Reise and the Kassimir Mechanism easter egg which advances the story of Samantha Maxis as a demonic being. Characters from "Five" can be heard on this map by using the three red telephones.

 Now lastly there is a new map coming out sometime in may with the release on the Escalation map pack called -Call of the Dead- I dont really know much about it yet ,but as soon as i play it and learn all the secrets I'll be sure to do a review on it, now get back to that controller and go kick some zombie ass!!!