Sunday, 31 July 2011

Leviathan (1989)

Written by Happywax    july 2011
Rating 6.5 out of 10

Director - George P. Cosmatos

Peter Weller - Steven Beck
Richard Crenna - Dr. Glen Thompson
Amanda Pays - Elizabeth Williams
Daniel Stern - Buzz "sixpack" Parrish
Ernie Hudson - Justin Jones

Hey Kiddies, here we are on another long weekend, and I feel its my duty to make you feel unsafe to go into the water at the beach ............Of all the underwater thrillers that came out in 1989, "The Abyss" might have had the biggest production value and "DeepStar Six" might have had the most gore scenes, but "Leviathan" was easily the most entertaining. The cast is a sight to behold. It's a get-together of countless familiar 80's faces: you get RoboCop, Col. Trautman from the "Rambo"-movies, Winston from "Ghost Busters", the nice hotel manager that helps Julia Roberts out in "Pretty Woman", Evil-Lyn from "Masters Of The Universe" and The Reverend from "C.H.U.D." (who you might also know as the funny tall burglar from "Home Alone" or just as Daniel Stern). Add to that the smokin' hot Amanda Pays (who I've never seen in any other movie before but whom I'd sure like to see more of) and you got yourself the crew of a lifetime.

The basic premise doesn't alter much from "The Abyss" and "DeepStar Six" and borrows heavily from "Alien" and "The Thing". A group of scientists are working on *something* deep under the surface of the ocean. Just three days before their mission is reaching its end they discover a sunk Russian ship that carries a deadly cargo. It doesn't take long until all hell breaks loose..


"Leviathan" is hilariously cheesy, but that's okay. Even though the monsters look incredibly crappy and are so awkwardly intercut with the actors that we don't believe for a second the crew is actually fighting them, the movie is kinda thrilling from the get go until the very end. Most of all, the movie is a lot of fun and the one-liners hit home. Peter Weller's very final line is fried gold, as Nick Frost would say. They don't make them like that anymore. And when are computers finally going to work and talk like they do in this movie? Anyways that all I've got for now, have a great long weekend, and remember dont go to deep into the water........................LOL

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Beetlejuice (1988)

 Written by Happywax    July 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director - Tim Burton

Michael Keaton - Beetlejuice
Alec Baldwin - Adam Maitland
Geena Davis - Barbra Maitland
Cathrine O'Hara - Delia Deetz
Jeffrey Jones - Charles Deetz
Winona Ryder - Lydia Deetz

So as I was channel surfing earlier this afternoon I came to one of my Favourite channels "Tele-Toon" and it just so happened that they were showing one of my favoutite movies from way back when your old Pal Happy was just a Teenager , ahhh the memories..............Back in 1988, Tim Burton wasn't quite as well known as he is today. But he was starting to make a name for himself. He'd kicked off his career with the delightfully oddball Pee-wee's Big Adventure in 1985. And it was with that film he showed audiences his flair for unique visuals and madcap surrealism. Before he hit the big time with Batman, in the middle was the wacky afterlife comedy Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice is a film that's not really about anything. Truthfully when you get down to it, it has no plot whatsoever. But this was the film that introduced me to the world of Tim Burton, and despite the "wafer thin" plot, Burton ties it all together through fantastic performances, eye popping effects, and a continual stream of inventive sight gags.

Adam and Barbara Maitland (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis) are a happily married couple. Until Burton throws a wrench in the works and their lives are cut short when their car goes off the road. They wind up dead, and prisoners in their own home.

With barely enough time to accept their situation, a new family moves in. The quite horrid Deetzes. Charles and Delia Deetze (Jeffrey Jones and Catherine O'Hara) are a yuppie couple with ideas of their own on how to turn their home into a dream house. Their daughter Lydia (Winona Ryder) is the only one who can see the Maitlands while the rest of the family fill the house with grotesque modern art and bizarre furniture.

Desperate to be rid of the Deetzes, Adam and Barbara call upon the manic bio-exorcist Beetle Juice (Michael Keaton on fine deranged form). A ghost who specialises in ridding houses of pesky humans, his sick sense of humour leads to all kinds of trouble for all involved. But it proves to be easier said than done putting the genie back in the bottle.

Beetlejuice is one of the craziest, bizarre, insane motion pictures ever to grace cinema screens. The fact that it works at all is down to Burton's keen eye for surreal madness and eccentric set design. Although the film becomes an endless series of sight gags, they're always welcome because of Burton's fantastic imagination.

He gets in some hilarious satirical jabs about the bureaucracy of the afterlife. Waiting rooms, civil servants, mounds of red tape, not to mention the dead people who populate these places like people with shrunken heads, others with obvious slit necks and wrists, and even people who are blackened all over. Burton's creativity knows no bounds.

And then we have stop-motion sandworms, the rings of Saturn, hand-crafted models that become life-size environments, Ooohhhh how I wish they would bring back stop-motion effects,

 Fortunately the actors are not buried under all the craziness. Baldwin and Davis make quite a nice couple with an infectious happiness, and Catherine O'Hara has never been better. She is downright hilarious as the so-called avant-garde artist who still believes being a yuppie is a trend. I'm especially partial to the scene where she is exploring the house for the first time balking at what she sees as a hellhole. She opens a cupboard with a hanged Geena Davis inside who pulls her face off. O'Hara recoils in how small the cupboard is. And who could forget her leading the family to Day-O?

Winona Ryder makes an impression at this early stage in her career. Her greatest scene as Lydia is when she writes a surprisingly amusing suicide note. Substituting words for even more depressing statements.

But naturally it's Michael Keaton who steals the show. And it's all the more impressive since he gets such short screen time. Shouting out phrases faster than his mouth can accommodate and practically bouncing off the walls, Keaton is a one-man variety show: "I attended Julliard, I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school and I travel quite extensively I lived through the Black plague and I had a pretty good time during that I've seen the Exorcist about 167 times and IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY WHAT DO YOU THINK?! Do you think I'm qualified?"

As it gets to the end, it has to be said, things start to pile up on top of each other. The effects, what to do with Beetlejuice, the gags, even a wedding to Lydia. It's all quite a mess really. But a wonderfully nutty, ingenious mess.

This will always be a favourite with me, because it dares to do something different with classic ghost stories, it's hard not to get caught up in the whole dizzying whirlpool of madness that is Beetlejuice. I also highly recomend  watching the cartoon TV series as well if you can find it, and PLEASE OH PLEASE don't let them remake this classic............

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Written by Axemaster July 28 2011
Rating 8.5 out of 10

Director   -   Tim Burton

Johnny Depp   -   Ichabod Crane
Christina Ricci - Kristina Van Tassel
Miranda Richardson - Lady Van Tassel/Crone
Micheal Gambon  -  Baltus Van Tassel
Casper Van Dien  Brom Van Brunt
Christopher Walken - Hessian Horseman
Christopher Lee  -  Burgomaster

                         Okay all you lovers of the "Classic" tales of Ghosts and Ghouls from yesteryear !! Axemasters in the Dungeon with a cool one for you tonight !! ............... Sleepy Hollow !! As a kid I can remember waiting all year till Halloween rolled around for the Walt Disney cartoon version of Washington Irvings , "The Ledgend Of Sleepy Hollow" to be aired on TV ! (Yeah , I'm that old okay !) I just couldn't get enough of Old Ichabod , riding to beat the devil ! Or in this case ..... The Headless Horseman ! So naturally , back when this flick came out , I was there !!
"Captain Jack Who !!??"
This being Tim Burtons take on the tale , in my opinion made it even better !! Here's the story line in a nut shell ..........................

              Its the year 1799 and the American revolution is only twenty years gone . Not too far from memory for most anyway . However , the folks in the town of Sleepy Hollow , are reliving part of the revolution every night after dark !! The Headless Horseman part !! (Gulp !) The opening scene shows a regal old carriage racing along a dark misty road . The regal looking old passenger is Peter Vangharrett . He's delivering some important papers to New York . (Its a long ride to the city I guess !! ) The night turns suddenly stormy ! Lightening flashes and thunder crashes , and out of no where , we hear a different kind of thunder , hoofs beating the ground !!!
We hear the ring of cold steel as a sword is drawn from a scabbard !! Old Peter is freaking out big time in the back of his carriage !! (Wouldn't you !?? Sheesh !) We hear the sword slice through the air and old Peter shoves his head out of the carriage for a peek ! His driver has lost his head !! (There are a lot of decaps in this flick!! Gotta love Tim Burton !) Old Peter Bails out and takes a midnight jog through a
"I Said Double Expresso Dam You !!"
corn field . He stops in front of a creepy (Burtonish) Scarecrow , and
well , he runs into the same blade that just got his driver !! Off comes Old Peters head , paper work undelivered !
     Cut to a scene of New York city , when it really was New ! Constable Ichabod Crane , is pulling a body from the river . (Yes in this version Ichabod is a cop , not a school teacher !) Ichabod is a believer in scientific evidence ! A man well before his time ! Kind of like a seventeenth century CSI guy ! Naturally , he gets some flack from the other cops and judges , as they think , he's a nut ! So it is that he is handed the case of three decapitations in the town of Sleepy Hollow . The Burgomaster (Christopher Lee !) challenges Ichabod to head to Sleepy Hollow , and solve the case with his special , new methods !! Ichabod excepts the challenge and heads off ! He arrives in the small village and discovers everyone in fear of an avenging Headless Horseman , riding the dark roads in search of fresh heads !! (Christopher Walken !! You Gotta love it ! )  
   He begins to slowly unravel the Mystery of the Horseman and Sleepy Hollow . The tale that Burton crafts is a great one I think . I will say no more about the plot , as I don't want to give it away .
However , I will add the story that Baltus Van Tassel tells Ichabod about the origins of the Horseman that is haunting Sleepy Hollow . I thought it was a cool part of the flick .
" I thought I was supposed to pull the
sword from a stone !?? Not a tree !"

       The Horseman was a Hessian Mercenary , sent to these shores by German princes , to keep Americans under the yoke of England . But unlike his compatriots , who came for money , The Horseman came for love of carnage . When battle was joined , there you'd find him . He rode a giant black steed named Verden . He was infamous for riding his horse hard into battle , chopping off heads at full gallop . He'd filed his teeth down to sharp points to add to the ferocity of his appearance . 
   This Butcher didn't finally reach his end until the winter of 79 not far from here , in our western woods . They chopped off his head with his own sword . Even today , the western woods is a haunted place , where brave men will not venture . For what was planted that day was a seed of evil ! And so it has been for twenty years , and now .......... The Hessian Wakes ..

"What do you Mean ... Headless !!??
Huh smart guys !!?"
     Bbrrrr !! If that doesn't break out your goose flesh , your as dead as the Horseman for gods sake !! Okay , okay . For those "Purists" who can't get the Disney cartoon version out of their heads , this flick might be hard to take . However , Burton does add a couple scenes that pay homage to Disney's version . I won't tell you ...........
You'll have to watch this one to find out !!!! Ha Ha !
 Okay , thats all I've got for you tonight , so Pop some corn , Grab a Soda , and see if Ichabods faster than the Horseman !!

          And Remember ........... Tonight , as you're going home ......

                    If you should hear hoofbeats in the night ...............

                           Get in your Car and get the hell Out of there !!!!!!!! 


Gojira (Godzilla) 1954

Written by Happywax   July 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director - Ishiro Honda

Akira Takarada - Hideto Ogata
Momoko Kochi - Emiko Yamane
Akihiko Hirata - Dr Serizawa
Takashi Shimura - Yamane-Hakase
Fuyuki Murakami - Prof Tanabe

Hey all you Giant Monster Maniacs Happys back and i've brought with me the Greatest Giant Monster Movie Ever Made. Ever since King Kong was shot down from the top of the Empire State Building in 1933, giant monsters have become a staying addition amongst the movie monsters. The "huge monsters attack and destroy cities" idea is one I truly enjoy , The already said original King Kong is a definite classic, but it is the 1954 original Gojira, commonly Godzilla, that is closest to my building smashing  heart.

The opening of the film alone is memorable. Just the bold title "Gojira" on the screen, with the sound of the famous roar in the background. Cut to a peaceful shipping boat on a sunny day, that is suddenly attacked and destroyed by something mysterious. More ships follow the same path, and government of Japan is facing a crisis. Meantime, on a nearby island all the fishes seem to have disappeared from the sea. Old superstitious people tell it is Gojira, legendary monster from their myths. The said island is soon attacked by a huge dinosaur like monster that breathes fire and is radioactive. It's an unseen creature from pre-historic era, awakened and mutated by atomic bombs, and it's heading towards Tokyo.

Unlike its 30 or so sequels, the original Gojira was never meant as cheap entertainment movie. There are no aliens, super vehicles or other monsters fighting Godzilla here. This film was meant as a very direct objection against nuclear tests and wars in general, warning men that nothing good will come out of them. The shots of destroyed Tokyo, injured people being treated and the girl chore singing in the background, must have had a pretty strong effect on Japanese people, who were still recovering from the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The black and white cinematography gives a nightmarish, almost apocalyptic feeling, and it helps hiding some of the out-dated special effects. Thanks to it most of the miniatures and Godzilla's rubber suit do not bother in the film. Also worth mentioning is the music score, one of the greatest I've heard, and that was still used as Godzilla's theme music in many of the later films. The final scene, where Godzilla gives his dying roar before sinking to the depths of the ocean, is strangely melancholic and sad.

Godzilla itself still deserves the title "king of the monsters". A gigantic fire breathing mutant dinosaur that destroys everything from its way, like a force of nature, is astonishing to say the least. Not to mention that unlike King Kong, army can't do anything to this guy. Godzilla is shot with tanks, missiles, airplanes, high-voltage electricity fences and what else, nothing works. In the end it is brilliant Dr. Serizawa's kamikaze-attack with his life work that stops the monster.

The original Japanese "Gojira"(1954)  in my opinion remains as one of the best monster movies of all time, its just to bad they didn't make more like this one...

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Arachnophobia (1990)

Written by Axemaster July 27 2011
Rating 7.5 out of 10

Director   -   Frank Marshall

Jeff Daniels   -   Dr . Ross Jennings
Harley Jane Kozak  -  Molly Jennings
John Goodman  -  Delbert McClintock
Julian Sands  -  Dr. James Atherton
Brian McNamara  -  Chris Collins
Stuart Pankin   -   Sheriff Lloyd Parsons


                          Hey there all you Creature Feature Freaks ! Axemasters in the Dungeon tonight with an Oldie , that kinda Moldy , but its still a Goldy !! .......... Arachnophobia !! ( Ffffffew ! Thank god I never got that word at the spelling Bee !! ) You know , I can hardly believe that twenty years has gone by since this flick came out ! Its a fun sort of dark comedy like flick , and its still worth watching ! Here's the story line in a nut shell ..............................
"Wait a minute ! I Said Whiskey In A jar !! "

     The flick opens in the jungles of Venezuela . Dr. James Atherton is a Bug collector , specializing in Spiders !! (Eeew!)
He's on a university funded expedition to find new and more exciting , er , Bugs , and Spiders ! (Yawn ! Wouldn't this guy be the life of the party !!???) He brings along photographer Jerry Manley , (who's not so Manly really .. kind of a whiner !)
to document the trips findings on film ! They travel to a remote bluff in the rainforest that has a two thousand foot deep sinkhole in the center of it ! The jungle at the bottom is undisturbed and Atherton is hoping for a new find ! (he won't be disappointed !) Their guide , a local Indian , won't go any further than the rim of the sinkhole ! Does this stop them ??? You Bet It Doesn't !
"WOW ! Look at the Venom Bags on That !"
They enter the sinkhole and smoke out an entire section of the forest . Shortly afterwards , all the Bugs and creepy crawlers that lived in the Canopy , drop into their awaiting specimen jars ! Manley goes to take a picture of one very large Arachnid , and the bugger jumps at him ! This sends thrills down Athertons spine as he discovers his "New" Species of spider ! (Yuck !) Very aggressive and of course , at least ten times as
"Oh Roseanne !!?"
poisonous as Black Widows ! They take back two live specimens and two dead ones ! The one they take back in Manley's back pack however .... They don't know about !! For Manley , this is real bad news !! Back at base camp , he opts for some sack time , and lies down for a nap . We see a rather large bulge , travel up his body , and then ...... ZING !!! He gets bit !!! (Ouch Dam !!) Well , the venom works very rapidly and Manley will never get a chance to be Manly again !! Atherton and the rest of the party think that he's kicked the bucket from a case of fever that has been dogging him , and wrap him up and ship him home in a coffin with a hole in it ! Through the hole , our friend the Super Spider , enters and hitches a ride stateside !! Manley's body travels back to his home town of Canaima California . When the boys at the funeral home open the coffin , they find that Manley is as dry as a raisin !! As the undertaker talks on the phone , a Big Fat Bloated Spider crawls out of the coffin , and out the window ! Its picked up by a crow and flown for a bit , and then the spider bites the bird and they drop right down in the front yard of Dr. Ross Jennings !
"I'm Not really That Dumb ! I'm Dumber !! "

          Dr. Jennings has moved to the peace and quiet (Not for long !) of Canaimas country setting , leaving San Francisco and his practice behind . Canaimas only Dr. , Sam Metcalf has promised his practice in town to Jennings . However , he gets cold feet on the Idea of retiring and changes his mind !! This leaves Jennings scrambling for patients ! He finds One , in Margaret Hollins . She's tired of Metcalf and his pill pushing old ways ! Jennings gives his one patient a physical , finds she's as healthy as a horse and takes her off of old Metcalf's pills . She likes Jennings so much , she throws him a Welcome to town party . It goes real well and afterward , it looks like some of the towns folk , might give the new Doctor in town a chance , but after everyone leaves , Margaret dies in the night , and Metcalf blames Jennings ! (Sheesh ! Old Bastard !)   While all this is going on , that big old Super Spider , has gone into the Jennings barn and mated with a normal spider !! (Gross !! Spider Love !) The resulting Hybrid Arachnids begin to bubble out of the barn and take Canaima by storm !! Jennings soon finds himself the only Dr. in town as Metcalf succumbs to the Arachnid Horde !! Its up to Jennings to prove that the sudden unexplained deaths in Canaima are do to a new kind of bug , and not his medical service !!
"Okay Roseanne ! I'm ready to clean
your shorts !! "
Everyone is soon fighting the Arachnid Antagonists , including the towns , Rambo like Exterminator , Delbert McClintock ! Portrayed quite well by the always Robust .. John Goodman !

   Arachnophobia is a campy , fun old flick and worth a watch on a dark night ! Hey , if you suffer from a bit of Arachnophobia yourself , then this flick could be out right Horrifying for you !! They are Gross little buggers for sure !! So pop some corn and curl up on the couch ! You won't be disappointed !


                                          And Remember ........ Things that live undisturbed for thousands of years

                                in the Rain Forests .................. SHOULD STAY THERE !!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, 26 July 2011

House On Haunted Hill (1999)

Written by Axemaster July 26 2011
Rating 7 out of 10

Director   -   William Malone

Geoffery Rush   -   Stephen H. Price
Famke Janssen   -   Evelyn Stockard Price
Ali Larter          -    Sara Wolfe
Taye Diggs      -    Eddie Baker
Chris Kattan     -    Watson Pritchett
Peter Gallagher -   Dr. Blackburn

                           Hey there all you Haunted House Hellions !! Axemaster's got a little diamond in the rough for you !! Its campy , with a real Saturday afternoon Horror flick feel ! There's jumps , Bumps and Gore Galore in this one !  .............. House On Haunted Hill !! Here's the story line in a nut shell .........

"Can we have your Liver Then !?"
          The Flick opens on a scene in the 1930's at Vannacutt Asylum . A state of the art mental health facility , or so people thought !! Dr. Richard Vannacutt is enjoying some evening surgery , with out putting the patient under !! (Yikes!) It seems that old Vannacutt is really kind of a butcher , passing himself off as a caring Doctor ! (His nursing staff look like Ghouls too ! Yuk !! ) This evenings surgery session is cut short however , by an all out revolt of the patients at the Asylum ! They rip almost all of Vannacuttts staff to shreds and set the place on fire ! (No loss there !!) In the first three minutes of the flick , we have a gory blood bath on our hands ! Great !
"I feel a little grey today !"
After the fire , the police discover what a house of horrors the place really was and it becomes a local legend . Only five of Vannacutts staff make it out .

      Jump to present day ......... Millionaire Stephen Price , who runs amusement parks specializing in Creepy thrills and chills , rents out , Yup , you Guessed it ! The House On Haunted hill , for his wife Evelyn's birthday bash ! (Oh what a Bash it is !) Evelyn and Stephen have a Hate , Hate relationship , with a bit of a Murder , Murder relationship thrown in for good measure !! So the former Asylum turned into a creepy house is a perfect place to celebrate for these two ! Evelyn (famke Janssen RRrroww !) Gives Stephen a list of guests ! Stephen promptly shreds it , and makes his own guest list ! (Nice !) he leaves his office , and we see that the list he's typed up on his computer , deletes itself , and a new list pops up on its own !! (Creepy or What !! I Know !!)
  The Prices end up with only five people at the party on the guest list , and the current owner of the place Watson Pritchett . Pritchett is in a real hurry to get paid and get the hell out !! (Gee , think he knows something they don't !!? ) Before he can though , the place goes into "lockdown" mode ! All the windows and doors are sealed shut for the duration , with giant plates of steel ! This kind of dampens the party hardy mood , but since the Host is Stephen Price , and he has offered anyone who can last the night , a Million bucks !! They stay !! (what choice do the have really !??)
"Ah hand guns are so much better than
Cocktail weenies !!"
     Evelyn is naturally pissed as she knows none of their five guests and makes it clear that she hates everyone and will rip their heads off if they try to mess with her !! ( Gotta love that Famke !! Rrrrrrow !!)
From here on , we enter the "One by One "phase of the flick !
  This is one you'll want to give a try . Like I said , it has that campy feel , but there are some really creepy scene as well . The atmosphere is dark throughout , and the sets are all well done , and Eerie ! The tale isn't too bad either !! Will the gang Last the Night !?? Will the house get them all !??? I'll Never tell !!!
   So Fright Fans !! Get some Popcorn and curl up on the couch , and turn out all the lights !! I think you'll jump a couple times despite yourself !!

"This will help your sinuses !"
"Every Homebuyers Dream !"

                                   Until we meet again , in the Darker Places ............

                                                   Stay Scared !!!!!!! 

Monday, 25 July 2011

Orphan (2009)

Written by Axemaster July 25 2011
Rating 8.5 out of 10

Director   -   Jaume Collet-Serra

Vera Farmiga   -   Kate Coleman
Peter Sarsgaard  -  John Coleman
Isabelle Fuhrman - Esther
Jimmy Bennett    -  Daniel Coleman
CCH Pounder     -   Sister Abigail

                     Hey there all you killer Thriller Fiends !! Axemaster's back in the Dungeon tonight with a little treat for you , that you won't want to miss ............. Orphan !! Its a fresh take on the "Evil Kid" genre thats well put together and puts a rather unique
spin on it ! Here's the story line in a nut shell ..............................

"man , I wouldn't even adopt myself !!"
        Kate Coleman , is struggling . She's trying to deal with the Loss of her third child , while in labour .  She has been having nightmares about the delivery , and thats how the flick opens . On a nightmare sequence . (Its a creepy one too !) She's had her share of troubles with alcohol as well . She quit cold turkey though , and is going on with life . Her husband John and her have been thinking of adopting a child to fill out their family . They want to "Give all the love they had for baby Jessica" to some lucky little Orphan . Sounds like a good plan right !?? (Wrong !!) They head on down to the Orphanage and check out the kids there . All of them having a good time playing with one another , laughing and being social . So which one do they pick ??......... The Creepy little girl on the second floor that John heard singing to herself , that dresses like "Darla" from "The Little Rascals" , and that paints Eerie picture all by herself !!! Good choice here Guys !!
"Hey ! Lets Get hammered !"
      Okay so they want to be optimistic , and say "Its good to be different" ! They sign the papers and three weeks later , they pick up their new daughter and bring her home to her new family . Little Max has been waiting for her new sister (Yes Max is a girl) , and can't wait to meet her . Daniel isn't as thrilled to be getting a sister from an Orphanage and when he sees the way little Esther dresses , he thinks she's a freak right off ! (Hhmm , smart kid !)
      Naturally this is where the strange things start to happen , you know , you get the gist ! Oh , sure , at first old Esther tries to fit in . you know , bonding with Kate and Max (not so much with Daniel) . She's very keen to please . She's at her most "Darlaesque" when John is around , and he thinks she's the shiniest peach in the fruit bowl !! But , the strange things begin to happen . Where ever Esther goes , trouble seems to be one step behind !
"I said Maybelline !! Dam You!!!"
    I know what you're thinking ........ not another one like this !! Trust me though , this ones different . Director Jaume Collet-Serra (2005's House of Wax) does an excellent job at , building tension , slowly . He takes his time to tell the tale . The Tale itself being worth the time to tell it !
   So , is angelic little Esther the daughter of Satan !!?? Is she a misunderstood "Little Rascals" Impersonator !?? Does she have a Demon living inside her that drives her to Murderous Mayhem !!???
I'll Never Tell !! Nope I won't Tell You ! You'll have to watch for yourself to find out !! I Don't think you'll be disappointed !!

     This is Axemaster ... signing off from the Dungeon ! ( Hey , who turned out the lights ??? Its ... dark in here ........ Hello .... Hello !)

       And Remember ............... If you ever meet anyone dressed like they should have been out on the town 

     When Big Band Music was King ....................... Get The Hell Out Of there Stupid !!!!! 

                          They're Not Right In The Head !!!!! 

"Do you like breakfast in bed !??"
"Some days I can't do anything with my hair !"

Saturday, 23 July 2011

Elwy Yost 1925 - 2011 R.I.P.

 Happywax    july 2011

Hey Guys, Happys here on a bit of a sad note on Thursday one of my favourite movie reviewers and Host of the awsomely popular Saturday Night At The Movies and Magic Shadows passed away, I grew up watching Mr Yost, with my dad and grandpa, He's really one of the big reasons I love movies as much as I do, I found this article in the Vancouver Sun and I think it does a pretty good job of summing up his life.  

He was the avuncular TV personality with the funny name — Elwy Yost — and to thousands of movie fans, his program was the best place to see the films they loved, because he loved them, too. "What's on Elwy tonight?" people would ask: That funny name became a trademark for cinema.
Yost, who died Thursday at age 86, was the host of TVOntario's Saturday Night at the Movies from 1974 to 1999, and the weekday serial program Magic Shadows from 1974 to the mid-'80s. While he also hosted a CBC afternoon movie show called Passport to Adventure in the 1960s, it was on TVO that he established his reputation as an enthusiastic movie-lover.
He was no critic: He seemed to relish everything, and his interviews with filmmakers and movie stars were breathless — not to say gushing — encounters. Elwy could hardly wait for the subject to finish the answer before he was saying how marvellous or interesting it was. It was that pure joy that made Elwy such a reassuring and refreshing TV presence.
He was born in 1925 in Weston, Ont., then a suburb of Toronto, the only child of a pickle manufacturer, also named Elwy.
"Elwy's love of movies and storytelling began at an early age," his family said in a statement, "when his father gave him a dime each week to go to the movies, with the stipulation that Elwy come home and tell them the story."
He studied sociology at the University of Toronto, and with a school friend, he made a movie called In Between, one of the first independent films in Canada. He worked at a variety of jobs: It was at the circulation department of the Toronto Star newspaper that he met his future wife Lila Melby — they were married for 60 years — and he later worked in industrial relations at Avro Aircraft until the Arrow project was cancelled in 1959. He also taught English at Burnhamthorpe Collegiate in Etobicoke, another Toronto suburb, where he would ask his students to watch movies and then write about them.
Hearing that CBC TV wanted panellists for game shows, he worked on several, notably Flashback, before he was went to TVO. There, the network acquired the rights to three Ingmar Bergman movies, and Elwy was asked to think of a way to present them. That series, called Three Films in Search of God, grew into Saturday Night at the Movies.

He would introduce the films, show them without commercial interruption, and then follow up with interviews with filmmakers. Bald, bespectacled, forever smiling, he was an unlikely TV star, but viewers sensed his affection for the films he showed and the people who made them, and the program became a must-see. At his peak, he had 250,000 viewers, despite the fact that his show was up against Hockey Night In Canada.
Yost moved to Vancouver with his wife in 1989, and retired from the show 10 years later. As well as his TV work, he wrote four books about film.
He is survived by Lila and sons Christopher and Graham, who is a Hollywood screenwriter (Speed, Broken Arrow and Hard Rain) and executive producer of the TV series, Justified. He also leaves two grandchildren and a daughter-in-law.

Freddy Krueger Mortal Kombat

Hey Kiddies, Happys here with a bit a gaming news for you, there's been plenty of rumours about the old Dream Demon Freddy Krueger being added as one of the playable characters in the new Mortal Kombat game for Xbox and Playstation, Well  today IGN has confirmed that Freddy Krueger will be joining the Mortal Kombat game as a downloadable character for 400 MS points of $4.99 on Aug 9 on the Playstation network.

This is great news for all of us Horror Fans but in the trailer they seemed to used the 2010 freddy instead of the Robert Englund character, whats up with that cause we all know the new Freddy sucked balls, oh well i guess the new Freddy is better than no Freddy.............................actually after watching the trailer, this looks pretty Bad ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, 22 July 2011

The Ward (2010)

Written by Axemaster July 22 2011
Rating 5 out of 10

Director   -   John Carpenter

Amber Heard   -   Kristen
Mamie Gummer - Emily
Laura Leigh    -    Zoey
Jarred Harris   -    Dr. Stringer
Sali Sayler     -     Tammy
Mika Boorem  -  Alice

                      Hey there all you Mental Hospital Maniacs !! Axemaster's in the Dungeon tonight with a flick you might want to see , maybe ... Kinda... Sorta ..... Okay , you could , unless you have , you know , like laundry to do . Or vacuuming .
A game of checkers down at the church social might be nice ! Okay , Okay I'll stop !
Anyway , tonight I review .......... The Ward !
  Here's the story line in a nut shell ...................................

"I don't have enough foundation to cover that up !"
  The flick is set in 1966 and the opening scene takes place  on a stormy night in North Bend Psychiatric Hospital . Its after lights out and all the patients are locked away and in bed . As the storm rages , an unseen force makes its way down the halls (You know its an unseen force because of the Cameras eye view and the scary music silly !!) and stops in front of a room with the name Tammy on the door . Unfortunately for Tammy , The unseen force kicks open the door , enters at high speed and BANG !!! No More Tammy !!
    Cut to the next scene of a young woman running through the woods. No , she's not Trail running , to cut down on the weight ( this is the 1960's remember !) , she's running from the cops ! (We see these inept donut chokers driving around the back roads in their cruiser !) She comes to an old farm house , and lights it on fire ! (Sheesh !! Fire Bug !)
"We told you !! NO Refunds !!"
The cops catch her at the blazing old homestead , and take her into custody . She ends up ... Yup You Guessed it ..... At North Bend Psychiatric Hospital , in ...... Yup You Guessed it again ... Tammy's old room . Her name is Kristen , and she is Very troubled . All she wants to do is break out of there and hit the road ! But unfortunately for her and us , she doesn't . Instead she meets all the rest of the girls in The Ward . The all female patients prove to be an interesting lot . They all know that there is trouble of the Unseen Force kind going on at North Bend ! Unfortunately for this film , the Unseen Force , doesn't remain unseen . It turns into a bad looking skull faced ghost named Alice ! Yeah , no I'm really serious here ! This might be the time you want to start that load of Laundry !
Kristen and they others start down the inevitable path to the land of , "Lets Get Killed One At a Time "
" I wanna do Disney films from now on !!"
Each time one of the girls gets picked  off by Alice the skull faced ghost , Kristen checks that persons room to see if there are any clues , and every time she does ..... Its as though they were never there ! Dah Da Da DUHH !!!!
And that Horror Hounds Is Your Clue !!!
    You know , as a life long Horror fan , I've seen way worse flicks than this one . The Ward is watchable , don't get me wrong here , but , we're talking John Fricken Carpenter  !!! This is the man who brought us The Thing ! The Fog ! Halloween ! Prince Of Darkness ! I could shout a few more titles , but you get the point .
In recent years , Master Carpenter has relied too heavily on special efx , and not heavily enough on something he used to be Great at ......... Story Telling . At least in my opinion .
 But don't take my word for it . Check it out for yourself . As always , I am just a reviewer .

              Until we meet again in the Darker Places .............

                            Stay Scared .