Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Zombie Map Shangri La

Written by Happywax   June 2011
Hey Kiddies you old pal Happy get some awsome info for ya!!!"Shangri-La" is the name of the Zombies map in the Annihilation map pack being released today. Zombies return with a vengeance in the mysterious land of "Shangri-La," a legendary shrine lost in an exotic jungle. Never before seen undead creatures lurk within a treacherous labyrinth of underground caverns. Step carefully through deadly traps and solve the dark secrets buried within the shifting walls of a long lost land. Some of the new features are a ridable mine cart and water slide, as well as a water geyser.  Also for the first time we are introduced to female zombies. Theres a new trap called the Punji Spikes as well as a couple of new weapons the Punji spike Claymore and a new Wonder Weapon called the 31-79jGb215, and they've also brought back the Bowie Knife and my personel favourite MONKEY BOMBS,  you just Know this is gonna be awsome, what a perfect time for school to end.................. Happy Gaming

Monday, 27 June 2011

Audition (2000)

Written by Happywax     June 2011
Rating 8 out of 10

Director - Takashi Miike

Ryo Ishibashi - Shigeharo Aoyama
Eihi Shiina - Asami Yamazaki
Tetsu Sawaki - Shigehiko Aoyama
Jun Kunimura - Yasuhisa Yoshikawa

Hey Guys and Gouls , Happys here with an  awsome Takashi Miike movie that my good friend Johnny was telling me and old Axmaster about when he was at Happys House of Horrors(thats where I live) on the weekend,I have to say I am a horror movie buff. Jaded to say the least. For a film to scare me it takes quite a bit. But this film, although not able to eject me from my seat, gave me a run for my money. The worst part about it is you don't even know it's going to be a horror movie for the first hour or so.

The film is about Aoyama. A lonely middle aged widower movie producer whose been alone too long. Thinking it's time to get remarried (even his teenage son thinks it's time, when this happens you know its gotta happen) he begins to think of ways to find a suitable bride. His friend comes up with the crackpot idea of holding a fake audition for a movie. Seems pretty far fetched. Amazingly it works!  It is here we meet Asami, a very cute, pretty young girl with a chip on her shoulder and a mysterious past. We all know she is going to win Aoyama's heart from the beginning because he was quite smitten with the profile of her given to him. The two get together and have some very sweet moments with each other. At first.

Does this sounds like the beginning of a crappy romantic-comedy to you or what? I can just see the American version of this now. All they need is for her to be married or engaged to some rich jerk. It will star either Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts as the cute and troubled audition. Have Richard Gere as the lonely widower (a part he has perfected). Some random, handsome, snobby British guy as the rich jerk. It will be set in a major metropolitan city, and it will be directed by Penny Marshal.

Fortunately, this is the set in the East. Anything goes over there. The film goes from being a cute little snorefest to a nightmarish apparition that could give David Cronenberg a run for his money. There is no really messy gore in this movie at all, well sort of in one scene. Something that surprises me after seeing some of the other lunatic category 3 horror movies from the East I've seen in recent times (Entrails of the Virgin, anybody) . The movie relies on hallucinogenic images and unsettling scenery to get it's scares. Something it does very well. The sets are very dark and foreboding. The lighting is kept to a minimum while color is brought in shades so the characters seem to be encompassed by them. Red seems to the flavor of the day here. But it is a good choice, red means dread, and that becomes the feeling that comes over us as the film reaches it's sadistic climax.

 If you are a horror fan and haven't seen Audition, I recommend you take a look at this little gem. However, I must warn you of one thing. Audition is not for pussies who watch Scream and think crap like The Sixth Sense is the scariest movie of all time. Also, it can be a bit confusing at first. But stick with it and give it a chance or two. Not a movie for recommendation on how good the plot is, though I found it quite good. I'm just gonna recomend it cause of  how fucked up it is. Bless you Takashi Miike you sick basterd!!!!!!!! 

Sunday, 26 June 2011

From Dusk till Dawn (1996)

Written by Happywax      June 2011
Rating 9 out of 10

Director - Robert Rodriguez

Harvey Keitel - Jacob Fuller
George Clooney - Seth Gecko
Quentin Tarentino - Richard Gecko
Juliette Lewis - Kate Fuller
Danny Trejo - Razor Charlie
Tom Savini - Sex Machine
Fred Williamson - Frost

Hey all you Titty Twister vampire lovin Maniacs Happys got another one of my all-time favs for you tonight!!!!!!!!!! As most psychotronic-film fans already seem to know, Robert Rodriguez's "From Dusk Till Dawn"  is a picture that cleaves fairly evenly into two discrete sections. In the first, homicidal bank robber/kidnappers Seth and Richie Gecko (George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino), while on the run in Texas, abduct a lapsed minister (Harvey Keitel) and his two kids (Juliette Lewis and, in his film debut, Ernest Liu) and force the family to smuggle them into Mexico in a gas-guzzling RV. This is a hard-boiled, suspenseful, oftentimes amusing segment, which abruptly shifts gears as the quintet fetches up at a biker bar in the Mexican wilderness, only to find that the club's habitues are nothing less than bloodsucking, zombielike vampires! And then the fun really begins!

Oh, how I  love this movie; let me count some of the ways. (1) George Clooney, easily stealing the show here with what is practically an Oscar-worthy performance, as Seth; a relatively sane (when compared to his psycho sex maniac brother, at least!), totally unflappable, wisecracking, tough-as-nails, oddly likable wildman. (2) A crackling, imaginative script by Tarantino, clearly on a roll here after the success of "Pulp Fiction," that is loaded with big laffs, pays homage to both classic hostage dramas AND grisly horror flix, and is liberally sprinkled with "F bombs". (3) Some energetic direction from Mr. Rodriguez, whose love for genre filmmaking is evident in every scene in the film. (4) The aforementioned humor, which leavens the drama, the gore and the grue; for example, try not to laff when Seth calls the Juliette Lewis character "Gidget"! (5) A rocking soundtrack, comprised, appropriately enough, of such staggering Texas-based artists as Stevie Ray and Jimmie Vaughan and ZZ Top.

 (6) Cheech Marin's spiel in front of the biker bar; truly, a classic, hawking come-on for the ages. And honestly, how cool is it that Cheech plays three separate roles in this film, a la Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness? (7) Salma Hayek as Santanico (NOT Satanico, as widely written) Pandemonium, whose snake dance, with the sounds of Tito and Tarantula performing "After Dark" in support, may well be the most awesome scene in motion picture history. Well that might be a tad much, but as you all know your Old Pal Happy does have a fondness for the ladies!!!!!!

 (8) The sight of Clooney, Keitel, FX legend Tom Savini, and blaxploitation hero Fred Williamson battling four vampire chicks...action heaven!

 (9) The coolest crucifix ever shown in a vampire movie; the one Harvey improvises from a baseball bat and a pump-action shotgun! (10) Some extraordinarily clever violence and carnage, as the hundreds of massed, repugnant-looking vampires are wiped out in dozens of clever ways. I could go on and on, but you get the idea: This movie really is Awsome from start to finish. Thinking back on this film afterward, I could only echo Seth Gecko's words, regarding Santanico's performance: "That's what I call a Fucking show!"

Saturday, 25 June 2011

The Wizard of Gore (1970)

Written by Happywax   June 2011
Rating 7 out of 10

Director - Herschell Gordon Lewis

Ray Sager - Montag the Magnificent
Judy Cler - Sherry Carson
Wayne Ratay - Jack
Phil Laurenson - Greg
Jim Rau - Steve 

Hey all you Gore Hounds , your old pal Happys got a great flick for you tonight, this was one of the first movies I ever rented when I was old enough to get my very own Jumbo video rental card , Ohhhh the memories I have of spending hours in that back room looking at horror movies, oohh wait those weren't horror movies in that room, aww well still great memories anyways , actually the were magnificent and Montag the Magnificent (Ray Sager) is just that: Magnificent. Right in front of his audience's eyes, Montag chainsaws, spikes, decapitates, and performs a whole array of other mutilating acts. But, with a wave of his hands and a bit of hypnotism, he repairs them with a snap. Unfortunately for his 'willing volunteers,' as soon as their hypnotism lifts, they literally fall apart at the seams. Now, it's up to a talk-show host (Judy Cler) and her fiancé (Wayne Ratay) to uncover the mysteries that lie beneath the illusionist surface of Montag the Magnificent.

Obviously this is not the perfect film. . . like many of the splatterfests/gore features of the 60s & 70s, it's a very low-budget affair ($60,000 in 1970 would be less than $350,000 today) that is quite apparently more concerned with shock & gore than, you know, great writing, direction, and sound quality. But, that's what you're supposed to expect when you watch a film like this. Therefore, it's better to judge it as a splatter film rather than some type of masterpiece of film-making. And, as a splatter film, it's solid gold, Montag is a fascinating subject and his work is extremely shocking. The story works well from the 'hypnotism' and 'double deaths' for Montag's victims to the 'heroes' who must investigate him. . . it all worked.

 While the sound & video quality were obviously not superb, a better DVD with more care for remastering could solve that. The acting wasn't unbearable, especially for a grindhouse splatter film. But, what's most important: The gore. While it was obviously not believable in some parts (parts where it probably wasn't supposed to be (like Montag's decapitation at the very beginning)), it was still utterly grotesque and real enough for me. Fans of HGL and similar splatter-makers will not be disappointed in this one. And as always your old pal as a treat for you, after hours and hours of searching, ok ok I only spent a couple of minutes, but non the less I was able to find the Entire movie "The Wizard of Gore" on line and Ive posted on here for all you Gore Hounds to Enjoy!!!!!!

Thursday, 23 June 2011

THE THING from another world (1951)

Written by Happywax   June 2011
Rating 8 out of 10

Director - Christian Nyby

Margaret Sherridan - Nikki Nicholson
Ken Tobey - Cpt Patrick Hendry
Robert Cornthwaite - Dr Arthur Carrington
Douglas Spencer - Ned 'scotty' Scott
James Arness - THE THING

Hey all you Creature Freaks, as you probably know Happy loves the old Classic Horror and Sci Fi movies , hell these are the movies that kept me up at night when I was a kid, God bless you Super Host , LOL.This fast paced thriller set in an Arctic research outpost has the familiar elements for the 1950's sci-fi movie: a hideous monster unleashed upon mankind, the U.S. military trying to cope with it, and the ever present scientist who wants a chance to glean the "wonders of the Universe" from said creature, all at the same time.

Howard Hawks' adaptation of John Campbell Jr.'s short story, "Who Goes There?" may not be completely faithful, but nonetheless, the suspenseful plot about an Arctic research team's discovery of a recently landed spaceship embedded in the ice, and more importantly, it's lone occupant is still gripping today.

When this frozen alien carcass is accidentally thawed out back inside the research station, all hell breaks loose. As soon as the Air Force contingent(led by Kenneth Tobey) realizes that their visitor from space is bent on "feeding" on the human residents there, a "cat and mouse" situation is set up.The Thing is first repelled out into the Arctic blizzard, giving the lead scientist (Robert Cornthwaite) enough time to theorize that it's a highly evolved vegetable from outer space, and therefore, MUST be advanced enough to impart the answers to all man's questions if given a chance to communicate.

Therein lies a major conflict between the Air Force personnel and this scientist... the military sees The Thing as a threat, and the scientist sees The Thing as a fountain of knowledge in disguise. Some disguise! James Arness plays the E.T. visitor which appears at key moments through the film as a menacing humanoid with unusual claw-like hands, and though it is inferred that it is vegetable rather than animal, you're left to your imagination as to what exactly the creature is composed of. The brief encounters with the Thing as it returns from the unseen depths of the storm to feed on human blood is heralded with the ominous ticking of the crew's Geiger counter. Tension mounts as it draws nearer and nearer to the vulnerable wooden buildings of the outpost.

Once it has been revealed that Science wants to "protect" the Thing (as the Dr. Carrington has planted seedlings from the Thing's tissue remains into their greenhouse lab for an eerie result of reproduction), the military binds together with a plot to destroy It.

Although lacking in modern sophistication and effects, this film allows the viewer to be marooned with the hapless research and Air Force crew to face the Unknown,  I will say this will always be a classic unto itself, and though not in any way comparable to John Carpenter's AWSOME 1982 re-make in terms of gore, horror and psychological perspective, it still carries its own due to the snappy script and sense of foreboding. This is definatly a movie that should be on everyone must see Sci-Fi list.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2011)

 Written by Happywax    June 2011
Rating 2 out of 10

Director - Kevin Munroe

Brandon Routh - Dylan Dog
Peter Storemare - Gabriel
Sam Huntington - Marcus
Anita Briem - Elizabeth
Taye Diggs - Vargas
This movie was actually worse than I thought it would be. Getting directly to the point, this movie was slow, boring, poorly acted, poorly directed, and went on for almost 2 hours! I could not wait to get it out of the DVD player after enduring the 1 hour and 45 minutes of garbage on screen. I will now give you a SPOILER ALERT, however, you probably should thank me for saving you from having to watch this piece of crap in the first place!

I am shocked that this movie made it to the big screen. Seemed to be more along the lines of what you might see on the SciFi channel. The script was awful and the directing was amateurish as best.

Some major problems I had with this snoozer:

When Dylan Dog gets punched by the monsters and goes flying a hundred feet through the air: completely stupid and unrealistic. If a human took that kind of abuse, his head would explode like a water balloon. But the man of card-board (rather than steel) himself Brandon Routh jumps up like as if he just fell off his tricycle, hardly the worse for ware.

The zombies were totally stupid. What's the big deal with being a zombie? Apparently they are no different than any other living person except....THEIR EYES TURN GREY! EVENTUALLY! OH NO! Better head off to the zombie support group. Completely stupid.

Lack of motivation of characters. This really bugged me. This was an obvious oversight on the director's part. A good example of this is the scene when Dylan Dog and his idiot zombie side kick are trapped in the crypt that Tay Diggs puts them in. They can't get out, all hope is lost, right? Suddenly Dylan remembers, "Little known fact, Zombies are excellent diggers." But his zombie buddy refuses. Saying, "No. No. I'm not going to do it. No! NO!" Over and over again. Uh....umm....why? I mean, WHY NOT? Why NOT start digging? Is this the director's idea of interjecting DRAMA into this crap fest? Oh, how cute. Dylan and his buddy are arguing over digging themselves out. Why argue over that? Why not start digging? That scene in particular was incredibly stupid and unmotivated and the rest of the movie followed suit.

This was a terrible movie. Don't waste your money, soon enough it will be playing over and over again on the SciFi channel. And where the hell is Groucho, Dylans comic book side-kick, "Hey Kevin, Happy here, I was just wondering if you even read any of the comic books before you made this piece of trash you call a movie" Ok OK , I'm done complaining, im gonna go relieve my pain by scubbing my eyeballs with bleach, I suggest you do the same, if you decide to watch this movie!! 

Monday, 20 June 2011

Call of Duty Annihilation

Written by Happywax   June 2011

Hey all you Gamer Geeks Happys got a little news about Call of Duty Black Ops. Activision announced on June 16 that Annihilation, the third piece of downloadable content will be available for Xbox 360 on 28 June. The pack will be available for PS3 and PC a month later.
Annihilation will include four new multiplayer maps: Hangar 18, Drive-In, Silo and Hazard. There will also be a new add-on for the popular Zombie mode, in which players must defend themselves against hordes of the undead. According to developer Treyarch's Mark Lamia, the new zombie map, named Shangri-La, is "an exotic and mysterious map filled with deadly traps, dark secrets and innovative gameplay." Quite what those innovations are is yet to be revealed, but you can sure as hell but once your old pal Happy plays it i'll be posting all the secrets so check back often, until then Happy Gaming and check out the preview ......

Friday, 17 June 2011


Written by Happywax   June 2011
Rating 8.5 out of 10

Director - George A. Romero
Writer - Stephen King

Hal Holbrook - Henry Northrup
Adrienne Barbeau - Wilma Northrup
Leslie Nielson - Richard Vickers
Stephen King - Jordy Verrill
E.G. Marshall - Upson Pratt
Ed Harris - Hank Blaine
Ted Danson - Henry Wentworth

                                                                                      Hey all you Creepy CREEPSHOW lovers Happys in the dungeon tonight and I'm bringing you one of my all-time favs!!!!! To have a good horror anthology, you MUST have the following ingredients:

--Original or source material that's halfway decent.

--A talented cast that can do more than just act their way out of a paper bag.

--A director who has at least some knowledge of how to maintain a consistent tone throughout the movie.

VERY rarely does any horror film, (or any film, for that matter) hit the magic 'trifecta.' CREEPSHOW happened to luck out in all three areas, and then went on to excel in so many more ways than that.

Basically a blood-spattered love letter to William Gaines' notorious '50's comic serials like TALES FROM THE CRYPT and THE VAULT OF HORROR, lifelong fans George Romero, Stephen King and Tom Savini joined forces to make what is basically the best collection of its kind. Better still for the whole project, is how they managed to sign on some great actors who were, in turn, staunch fans of Romero who'd been dying to work with him and LEAPED at the chance!!!

Based on original material and short stories by "The King", CREEPSHOW is deliciously packaged in a ghoulish wraparound tale. A macho tool of a father (Tom Atkins) severely chastises his son (King's real-life son, Joe), when he catches him reading a copy of the deliciously diabolical "CREEPSHOW" comic book and throws it out. You think Daddy overreacted a bit? Wait until you see him get his, as the horrific host of the book's spooky stories, "The Creep", comes to leering life and invites us to watch the torrid tales of terror unfold before our widened eyes...

FATHER'S DAY: Lucky Henry (Ed Harris) gets to spend some quality time with his girl-fiend Cass and her rancid relatives, (Elizabeth Regan, Warner Shook and a great turn of trademark bitchiness by the late Carrie Nye). The greedy, grasping Grantham family is celebrating the seven-year anniversary of the death of their nasty patriarch, Nathan (Jon Lormer) on Father's Day, at the hands of his unstable daughter, Bedelia (Viveca Lindfors.) THIS Father's Day, however, will mark the unexpected, UN-dead appearance of the guest-of-honor...who wants to have his cake and BLEED it, too...

THE LONESOME DEATH OF JORDY VERILL: The Author Himself takes on the role of a redneck who would make the hillbillies from DELIVERANCE look like Rhodes scholars. Jordy makes contact with a small meteorite, resulting in deadly consequences...Let's just say he's one nincompoop who turns stupidity into a 'growth' industry...

SOMETHING TO TIDE YOU OVER: Before THE NAKED GUN and CHEERS would make them household names, TV and movie vet Leslie Nielsen and Ted Danson star as Richard, a pathologically possessive husband and Harry, the man sleeping with said husband's wife (DAWN OF THE DEAD'S Gaylen Ross), respectively. Nielsen's character devises a diabolical punishment for the cheating lovers that he feels suits their crime, never dreaming that one grim turn will deserve another...

THE CRATE: The longest and best of all the episodes. Hal Holbrook stars as a college prof with the Shrew From Hell for a wife, (Adrienne Barbeau, playing it marvelously, MMMMM   BOOBIES ). As his BFF, Fritz Weaver can only offer his sympathies, but a crate underneath some stairs in his lab is about to pose one helluva problem for him and several doomed people...and an ultimate solution for his harried friend...

THEY'RE CREEPING UP ON YOU: The final episode and the one that had people talking - and GAGGING , stars the late, great E.G. Marshall. He sinks his teeth into a virtual one-man piece about evil industrialist and 'germophobe' Upson Pratt, who considers everyone else to be nothing more than useless vermin, like bugs to be squashed under his heel. But if you think that every dog has his day, wait until you see what REALLY 'bugs' Mr. Pratt...

And there you have it, as the conclusion to the wraparound story brings CREEPSHOW to a satisfying end. Every department was firing on all cylinders here, with photography, acting, a marvelous score by regular Romero associate John Harrison, and direction  as it should be when a comic book comes to life on the screen.

No Oscars for this one, of course, but it's great fun for what it is and I love it so just go with it and have a good time...

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The Flesh and Blood Show (1972)

 Written by Happywax     June 2011
Rating 6 out of 10

Director - Pete Walker

Ray Brooks - Mike
Jenny Hanley - Julia Dawson
Luan Peters -Carol Edwards
Robin Askwith - Simon
Candace Glendenning - Sarah

Hey all you Horror hounds, Happys in the dungeon with another movie I just cant seem to make my mind up on .In Pete Walker's  The Flesh and Blood Show, a group of young actors, preparing for a show in a ramshackle theatre at the end of a pier, become the target of a maniac with a hatred of decadent thespian types. With little in the way of gore, but loads of nudity by way of recompense, this kitschy take on the old 'Ten Little Indians' story (by Agatha Christie) is great fun for those who love 70s UK horror.

The film opens with budding actresses Carol (busty Luan Peters) and Jane (sexy Judy Matheson) being awakened in the middle of the night by a knocking at their door. With Carol leaping naked from her bed (which she shares with her roomate!) to see who it is, it becomes clear that Walker hasn't completely forgotten his sex/comedy roots—after all, how many girls do you know that would be happy to open their front door in the nude?

Anyway, the caller turns out to be a practical joker named Tony (he staggers through the door pretending that he has been stabbed), with whom Carol has recently worked on a horror film. No acceptable explanation is given for his unusual arrival at the girls' place, but after some brief chit-chat, it transpires that both he and the two women have been given a job in a new show. They are to travel to the seaside town of Eastcliff where they will meet the rest of the cast (which includes 'Confessions' star Robin Askwith, and Jenny Hanley, presenter of kids' TV show Magpie) and the producer, Mike (Ray Brooks), to begin rehearsals.

Of course, it's not long after their arrival at the spooky old theatre that the troupe's number starts to dwindle, as the mysterious killer sets to work.

The Flesh and Blood Show might not be as shocking as some of Walker's later efforts, and is certainly not as gruesome, but with every pretty female in some state of nakedness during the film, a truly hilarious finalĂ© featuring a Shakepeare quoting lunatic, and even a sequence shot in 3D, and the fact that I LOVE BOOBS it's still a film worth seeking out.